Bye Bye Kuwait

Dear Readers,

It is with a heavy heard I announce the tragic end of Idiots in Kuwait. It's really been a blast pissing people off all these years. I no longer live in Kuwait, I'm afraid, so I don't think it's fair to keep making fun of Kuwait's half-wits if I don't live there anymore!

This is why, having moved to Jordan, I have a new blog entitled, you guessed it, "Idiots in Aqaba".

So my friends, I bid you farewell. I hope i'll be back soon, but I'm lying.

Progressive or Naive?

You decide.

Here are two articles from today's Kuwait Times. One is about a homosexual's experiences in the country, and the other about potential ties with Israel.

I haven't read the Kuwait Times in quite a while. In fact, they used to have a "Kuwait Crime" section worse than the Arab Times, if that's possible. And we all remember that article about "What not to do in Kuwait".

I must admit though, I like what I see.

Idiot of the day

A day in the life...

Afghan run over changing tyre: A 54-year-old Afghan man died on the spot while his unidentified companion sustained serious injuries Tuesday when a vehicle driven by an Egyptian knocked them down on Fahaheel Motorway near Messilah. Security sources said the Afghan was driving along the road with his companion when he noticed he had a flat tyre. He then pulled over and he and his companion got out of the car to change the tyres. It was at this point when the Egyptian motorist hit them, resulting in the instantaneous death to the Afghan and serious injuries to his companion.
Many hurt in accidents: An Asian suffered from multiple injuries and fractures when a Kuwaiti motorist knocked him down while he was crossing a road in Hawally. The injured was rushed to Mubarak Hospital while the Kuwaiti motorist was referred to the authorities for questioning. During interrogation, the Kuwaiti motorist told police the Asian suddenly appeared on the road and he could not avoid hitting him.

In an unrelated incident, a 50-year-old Kuwaiti woman lost consciousness when her vehicle collided with another in Shuwaikh. She was referred to Sabah Hospital. On the other hand, a 35-year-old Asian had a fracture in an undisclosed part of his body when his car crashed into another on the Sixth Ring Road opposite Waha area. He was also referred for treatment to Sabah Hospital. Also, an Asian sustained injuries in various parts of his body due to a two-vehicle collision on Fahaheel Motorway. He was referred to Adan Hospital. Meanwhile, a Kuwaiti youth sustained head injuries and fractures when his motorbike hit a car, which suddenly crossed a road in Riqqa. He is now undergoing treatment in Adan Hospital.

Tankers Collided: An oil tanker collided Monday with a sewage tanker on King Fahad Motorway, resulting in injuries to the driver of the sewage tanker. After receiving information about the accident, firemen from Abdullah Port and Mubarak Al-Kabeer Fire Stations rushed to the location.

Kuwaiti killed in mishap: A 21-year-old Kuwaiti citizen lost his life in a ghastly car accident, while other occupants, a 37-year-old Bangladeshi and an 18-year-old Kuwaiti, sustained injuries when their car overturned on a highway, reports Al-Dar daily. The Bangladeshi who reportedly sustained injuries on the forehead and the younger Kuwaiti whose left arm was severed were rushed to Mubarak Hospital, while the deceased’s remains were taken to Forensics. Meanwhile, a 33-year-old Egyptian expatriate died when a fast moving car ran over him in Sulaibiya area. His remains were referred to Forensics Department, reports Al-Dar daily.

Arab expat killed: An Arab expatriate died in Sabhan when his car bumped into another car at Sabhan Industrial intersection, reports Al-Dar daily. His remains were referred to Forensics Department and investigations underway to determine the cause of his death.

Meanwhile...

Sheep-loaded boat capsizes: Firefighters plucked 40 dead sheep from the sea in the last five days after a boat loaded with livestock sank near Shuwaikh Port, reports Al-Anba daily. Sources said firefighters started rescue operations Wednesday when they saved the lives of four Iranian laborers. Sources revealed the boat was found to be in a very bad shape before leaving Iran but it continued on its journey. Kuwaiti authorities will submit a report to their Iranian counterparts to determine who should be held liable for the accident.

Idiots in Lebanon

Now now, before you get your flags out, I just want to say that I adore Lebanon. It's a gorgeous country with great people, hot women and so much more. A good example of which is the lady to my right, who I still think is the prettiest Miss Lebanon of recent years, Clemence Ashkar.

But what the fuck is up with the driving?

I was in Beirut a couple of weeks ago (for the first time might I add, so those who think my awe is old news, just bear with me) and was shocked to find that people don't wear seat belts, don't stop at traffic lights, and don't even blink at one-way signs.

No one stops at most traffic lights, but there are certain traffic lights that everyone stops at. What the fuck? How does that make any sense? I asked a cab driver what the deal was with this insanity, to which he shrugged apathetically. He did, however, mention that he "didn't like" seatbelts, has never worn one in his 35 years as a cabbie, and thinks that there is "no need" for them in Lebanon. Well, with a populace that doesn't stop at traffic lights, I think that Lebanon is probably the place they need them most.

So I'm walking down a one-way street (in the direction of the traffic) when a scooter whizzes towards me (he's going the wrong way, against traffic), almost crashes into me, then swears at me for being in the way. All while a policeman idly puffs his cigarette and chuckles at the situation. Then the fucker drives off.

What is this madness?

Chat Rooms?

I really can't make head nor tail of this report:

KUWAIT CITY : The Ministry of Commerce and Industry has asked the Ministry of Communic-ations to investigate the ‘chat rooms’ which sometimes are being used by men and women as a meeting point. Ministry of Commerce and Industry sources said the ministry put under surveillance one of the commercials issued by a private company which lured youth to start talking with members of the opposite sex for just 150 fils a minute. Such behavior, the ministry said, violates society morals. The Ministry of Commerce and Industry wants to know from the Ministry of Communications if the private company which published the commercial has a license to do so.

So is there an Internet company in Kuwait that charges 150 fils a minute? I don't get it.

The (Not so Weekly anymore) Ten

Dear Readers,

So I've decided to re-name the Weekly Ten for the obvious reason that they are not really Weekly anymore. So I'll only write them when I can be bothered.

Also, in case you were wondering what the picture's all about, well, I typed "teen" instead of "ten" when I was googling an image to add to the post. My bad. I'm really sorry. You'll just have to suffer.

So this week/month I bring you....

Top 10 Car Stickers in Kuwait

(DISCLAIMER: While the title of this particular Ten is misleading, I would just like to say that the following ten car stickers are ones that I have seen, either in real life or a photo somewhere. If you think you have better ones, then please, PLEASE let me know. Idiots on the road are my favorites.)

10 – "Impossible Love"

9 – "Off Road's Lord – Watch My Dust"

8 – "Mess with the best – die like the rest"

7 – "Death Row" (With a picture of 2pac)

6 – "Don't Cry My Life"

5 – "What do I got to do with people and people got to do with me!"

4 – "Knight of the Night"

3 – "Almost Single!"

2 – "Why Net?" ("Why Not" misspelt)

1 – "I'll treat you like my horses"

Send me more and I'll make the top 50...

Idiot of the day

Lovers in Japanese Cars

Back to the grind...

‘Lovers’ caught in the act:

Personnel from the Investigations Department have arrested an Egyptian expatriate and an Iranian woman performing immoral acts inside a Japanese-made-car late in the night, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. Security sources said the suspects tried to escape when they saw the security personnel approaching, but the car hit a concrete barrier and was blocked. The ‘lovers’ were referred to Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh Police Station for further action.

So what exactly is the relevance of the "Japanese made car"? Does it add any value to this news report? And what if it had been, say, an "American made car"? Would they still have been arrested? Would it have been newsworthy?

And this one is just hilarious...

‘Kuwaiti wife elopes, takes children’:

An Asian man recently visited Al-Rai daily to narrate his predicament when his Kuwaiti wife allegedly eloped with her compatriot lover and took their children with her. The Asian told the daily he noticed the unusual behavior of his wife when he returned home one day. He then searched the whole room and was startled to find his wife’s lover hiding inside a closet. He immediately called police, who arrested his wife and her lover. A case was registered against them in Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh Police Station. The man later filed a lawsuit against his wife and the court ruled in his favor as he was granted custody of his children. However, the children were missing for several days and he believed his wife took them when she escaped with her lover. He asked the daily to publish pictures of his children and asked anyone who might know of their whereabouts to contact him through the newspaper. He also appealed to the Ministers of Justice and Interior to help him find his children.

The poor bastard.

Law-abiding youth assaulted:

A group of youths, who created a traffic jam in an undisclosed area by performing stunts with their cars on the road, beat a 22-year-old Kuwaiti when he asked them to stop and respect the law, reports Al-Rai. Paramedics rushed to the scene after receiving information about the incident and referred the injured to Jahra Hospital.

Another example of how you can't reason with these fuckers.

My 100th Post: Let the good times roll..

Dear Readers,

I must admit, having spent an hour reading the past month's archive of the Arab Times' "Kuwait Crime" section, I am a little overwhelmed with the amount of stupidity I've found. So to save you from having to read over 500 articles, I've decided to turn to our friends at good old Cinescape. Now there's consistency you can't compete with.

Now Showing at cinemas across Kuwait:

Ahlam Elfata Eltayesh The movie story revolves around a young man where he has many dreams which he tries to achieve, and he likes to pull crazy prank jokes on his friends, also he loves many actresses to the point he hangs their pictures on his room walls. One day he meets a young lady and he likes her, so he tries all kinds of tricks to get her attention with the help of his friend. Can he draw her attention?

Kalashnikov -Arabi The movies story revolves around an assassin (khaled) who lived in Italy for many years and works for (Taha) and killed many people. One day he goes back home to Egypt and he gets hired to assassinate a young lady (Hind), but instead of doing that he falls n love with her and he protects her. Can his plans works?

Can his plans works indeed. What's with the fucking questions at the end of every synopsis? We all know the answer is yes. For fuck's sake.

Jaane Tu ... Ya Janne Na Jai thinks Aditis parents should have rinsed her mouth with soap when she was a child. Aditi thinks that Jai is the biggest coward she has ever encountered. Jai and Aditi are perfect for each other. Friends know this. Parents know this. Everybody knows this. But do Rats and Meow know?

Who the fuck are rats and meow?

Brahmanandam Drama Company -Telugu Sivaji and Ravi Krishna turn heroes of the drama company run by Anandam. An NRI impressed with the beauty of the heroine, gives them an opportunity to stage plays in Bangkok. Once, Sivaji and Ravi try to lure the heroine of the drama company because she is quite beautiful. Irked over their behaviour, she quits the drama company before they board the flight. As their drama company gets the abroad chance for the first time, the troupe leaves for the Bangkok, on the advice of Sivaji and Ravi, that they would search a girl there as heroine at Bangkok. So, they start a hunt for a girl. In the process, Ravi comes across Arpita, who pretends that she is suffering from a mental disorder, with suicide tendency.

What the fuck is all this about?

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

Robert Paschall Jr.

Dear Readers,

As you may well know, I've been away for quite some time now, and haven't been checking the blog at all. Little did I know that a post I created a little over a year ago has been the cause of controversy for the past month or so.

I'll give you a little background.

Sometime last year, I was browsing the now defunct Daily Star Weekend Edition, when I stumbled upon the "Celebrity Birthdays" section. I was quite shocked to find that they had added Rick James' birthday, even going as far as to say that he had just turned 59. The only problem is that Rick James died in 2004.

Also on the birthday list was a gentleman named Robert Paschall Jr. Now, I'm quite the film buff, and I had never heard of this guy. So I google him, only to find that he's not really a celebrity at all, but an electrician/all around set guy who's worked on his fair share of productions, such as "Walker, Texas Ranger", among others.

Naturally, one question popped into mind. Why would The Daily Star add a non-celebrity to the celebrity birthdays list? I mean, I'd be pretty chuffed if my name was up there, but I still wouldn't think it to be right if I wasn't a celebrity, right? I'm sounding pretty reasonable right now, but this is how I put it at the time:

"Has anyone ever heard of Robert Paschall Jr? Thats right, you haven't. Its because he is not a celebrity at all. He is an electrician. "Bobby" has contributed his stellar electrical know-how to such award winning audio-visual treats as "Power Rangers: Wild Force" and "Walker, Texas Ranger". I understand that our definition of celebrity is pretty blurred these days, but an electrician? Thats pushing it. Also, in my quest to find this obscure gentleman on the internet (and it was a difficult quest, spurred by mind-numbing boredom), i found out that his birthday is actually on the 31st of January. They couldn't even get that right."

You see?? They didn't even get the non-celebrity's birthday right, the morons.

Ok. So fast forward a year and a half to this morning, when I checked my blog for the first time in two months, to find the following comment on my latest post:

"Your an idiot. I left you some comments on the page discussing me. Once an idiot, always an idiot. Oh, did I mention racist. That too.

Signed
Robert Paschall Jr"

What the fuck?? Naturally, I had no idea who this guy was, so I searched for his name on my blog to find the Celebrity Birthdays post I had written so long ago. Then it made sense. To make matters worse, these are the comments he left:

"wHY ARE YOU BEING SO HATEFULL, DO I WRONG YOU?

SIGNED
Robert Paschall Jr"

"It is a sad day when a fat guy, in his moms basement, tries to be funny. It is also sad that you spend so much time on the web and still don't know how it works. Hence, your internet search sucks. I made the short film "Bruised" a few years ago and won a bunch of awards for it. So I am a little known in the film world, a world you most not be a part of. As soon as someone can tell me who you are, I will listen to your cake hole. Until then, you should stop the crap from flowing out of your mouth. If you have a problem with that, let me know, we can talk about it.

Signed
Robert Paschall Jr"

Again, What the fuck?

So I would like to set the record straight with this guy, as I have no idea what his problem is.

FIRSTLY, moron, the fact that you found my blog means that you googled yourself. That's pretty fucking sad. In fact, I'd take some geography lessons/read more so I don't type "qwait" like you did when you googled this blog last.

Secondly, if you had read the post properly and not gone neandrathal when you read your name, you would have figured out that I was making fun of the idiots at The Daily Star, and not you. They claimed Rick James was still alive and well and at Party Land buying shit for his birthday bash, and that Sherman Hemsley was 10 years older than he actually is. Also, I made fun of them for adding you to the CELEBRITY birthdays list. I'd hate to break it to you pal, but you're not a celebrity. Are you a dead coke-head 80's pop star? No. Are you a washed up comedian? No. Are you Michael Jackson's ex-wife? No. Do you think you have anything in common with the other celebrities in the list? No you don't.

I don't mean to knock you or insult you dude, but you are not famous. In fact, you've barely done ANY acting, and asides from re-wiring Chuck Norris' night light, fuck all else.

Thirdly, I wouldn't make presumptions about me and the film industry. Put it this way: I know film better than you know wires. I happen to have done quite a lot of work for the industry in the Middle East, including establishing a fund for aspiring filmmakers, as well as organizing countless film screenings. I've also written and produced several short films. But you don't see me calling myself a Celebrity, do you?

Last but not least, the fact that you'd think I'm a "fat guy living in my parent's basement" bodes really, really badly for your outlook on the world. Are all bloggers fat guys who live in their parent's basements? That's a lot of fat guys. And a lot of basements.

I am not going to apologize for you taking my post the wrong way, because I didn't insult you. I made fun of The Daily Star for being total morons.

And one more thing. I'm a racist, am I? Well if you would take your dumbass American head out of your fat American ass, you'd actually read the posts on my blog and find that there is not one iota of racism, sexism, bigotry, or any other form of discrimination on my blog.

I went to college, asshole.

If you don't like this blog, then fuck off and don't read it.

New Look, Same Great Taste!

Dear Readers,

I'd like to apologize for my two-month hiatus - I've been extremely busy with several different projects, and have not had time to go to Hardee's let alone edit my blog. But now I'm back to my habits of procrastination, and lo and behold, Idiots in Kuwait is back with a bang!

You may have noticed I have changed up the style of the blog - I think it looks pretty cool now. Fresh start, new look, same old idiots.

Boy do I have some catching up to do.

Oh, before I forget, the sketch above is courtesy of F2O designs, which/who is a cool Kuwaiti female artist. Check out her site here.

Meanwhile... Arab Times, here I come.

Cine who?

I've been away for a while, but not much has changed.

Sabahoo Kedb The movie story revolves around a blind man called (Neaana) who gets his sight back, but he does not tell anyone about it until he knows the truth about the people that surround him. But he gets a nerve breakdown once he knows them very well.

Kass we Lazk The young lady (Jameelah) just turn thirty years old, so she decides to immigrate to New Zealand but her plan fails. She meets a young man (Yousef), who is thinking to immigrate also, Jameelah makes a deal with Yousef which will help them to immigrate to New Zealand, but this deal got pushed in a different direction that they did not expect.

Annan Thambi -Malayalam Brothers, twins, born within a difference of 90 seconds. The problem with them is that one is dumb and the other is verbose. To avoid more casualties due to sibling rivalry, one is sent to Pollachi with his uncle and other stays back with his parents. Appu the eldest of the twins is a vitriolic troublemaker, and erstwhile associate and present enemy of Dharmarajan, whos niece Thenmozhi is madly after Appu.

Blame Life.

Dear Readers,

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately, but I've been extremely busy with work. Ho hum. Anyway, I have decided to blurt out three posts today, just to make all of you feel special.

Enjoy:

Chat-mate beats up, robs ‘royal’: Police are looking three unidentified persons for assaulting an unidentified teenager from the ruling family, reports Al-Jareedah daily. According to a security source the incident took place when the teenager went to visit a female friend whom he met while chatting on the Internet. The friend reportedly told the youth he could have fun with her because her father was at work and was not expected to return soon. The victim said as soon as he arrived at the place, the trio pounced on him, beat him and stole his money, cell phones and other possession including a watch worth KD 1,000. Police believe the suspects imitating a female voice lured the youth to Sulaibiya.

Hmmm. I just can't find the words.

Revenge of jealous ex-spouse: Police have registered a case against an unidentified Kuwaiti man who is in 40s for making a hoax call and disturbing police, reports Arrouiah daily.
According to a security source the man called police and reported seeing his wife in the company of a stranger inside a car and also gave police the car plate number. When police stopped a couple driving along a road bearing the number plate given by the complainant, securitymen discovered the woman is the man’s ex-wife and the other man accompanying his ex-wife was her new husband.

What a fucking moron.

Sex-boosting items seized: Customs officers at the Khubara Al-Awazem border post recently foiled an attempt by an unidentified trucker coming from Iraq to smuggle sex boosting products into the country, reports Al-Qabas daily. A police source said the suspect is Georgian and looked confused when he approached the inspection desk. Inspectors thoroughly searched the man and seized the contraband from his clothes.

Well if he had fucking sex-boosting items up his ass, he would look confused wouldn't he?

The "Krazzy" 4

Check this shit out...

Juba -Arabic Juba is a name of a small town in Somalia and passes thru it a river has the same name of this town. This river floods the town with water once in awhile which it causes the crocodiles to attack the town people and eat many humans which to the point it became as ritual. Yousef is an African champion in shooting and he a reporter at the percent where he was in the same time long time ago with peace keeping forces, and he made many friends back then. Now peace keeping forces are gathering again to keep the peace in Juba once again.

Krazzy 4 -Hindi Its a mad, mad, mad world out there. Someones nutty about money ... Someones deranged by power... Someones cracked with stress... Someones unhinged by overwork... Someones insanely in love.... Its a mad, mad, mad world out there, and everybodys worried theyre going bananas.... Except the Krazzy 4. Because they know theyre already Krazzy!

Someone needs to be shot and/or maimed.

Mulla -Malayalam Dileep plays a very different title character, in a different get up and baldhead, in the movie. Scripted by Sindhuraj, the movie is about Mulla, the son of a worker in a criminals colony who is also a goonda.

What the fuck is a goonda?

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

"An Unnatural State"

Dear Readers,

I haven't added any reports from the Arab times recently, and for good reason. Simply put, there weren't any reports I deemed worthy of a posting. However, it seems that today, the idiots have come out in full force. It's like they're angry, like they think I've been ignoring them! Fret not, my morons. This post is dedicated to you.

Garden ‘lovers’ in custody: Criminal Investigations Department (CID) men arrested two Asian expatriates for committing an immoral act in a garden in Salmiya. According to sources, the CID men caught the Asians in an ‘unnatural’ state and referred them to authorities.

What, exactly, constituted an "unnatural state"? In an "unrelated incident"..

Homos put in solitary: Two Asian inmates, believed to be homosexuals and serving time at the Central Prison for an unidentified crime, have been punished by sending them into solitary confinement, reports Al-Watan daily. The inmates were caught committing an indecent act.

Firstly, if they are only "believed to be" homosexuals, then why does the title presume they are? And if they are indeed "homos", then surely that is the "unidentified crime" that they committed. In a garden, possibly. Also, I love the title of this next one.

'The money is mine’: A case has been filed against an unidentified female Kuwaiti bank employee for refusing to return KD 10,000 which had been mistakenly remitted to her bank account, reports Al-Rai daily. The daily did not give more details.

Loss shocks Saudi boy: An 11-year-old Saudi boy who fell ill after watching his favorite Saudi Arabian football club lose soccer game has been admitted to the Adan Hospital, reports Al-Qabas daily. It has been reported the boy is upset psychologically. The daily did not give more details.

It's just a game, moron.

Lord have mercy on our souls.

The Weekly Ten

Dear Readers,

Sorry I haven't been updating the blog much recently - I've been busy engaging in drunken debauchery in Dubai. The worst part is, I missed the sorry excuse for a hurricane that we had a few days ago. Ho hum. Anyway, here's this week's ten:

Top 10 Excuses to give your boss if you are late for work

10 – "I was up all night puking – I had some bad take out".

Good for use at least once a month. Make sure you don't use it too often though, as you might tempt fate and actually get food poisoning.

9 – "My alarm didn't ring"

Use only once in your lifetime, if you are desperate. Using it more than once will result in your boss waking you up with a phone call every morning. Not good.

8 – "I thought it was the weekend"

Also only good for use once. You can't think it is the weekend everyday. Otherwise you would be a moron.

7 – "I was stuck in traffic"

A good excuse to use regularly, although if everyone else is in the office on time, then it will start to wear thin after the 5th time.

6 – "I had to go to the doctor"

Also good to use. But eventually you are going to have to claim on your medical insurance, and HR might do some checking on you. Use with caution.

5 – "My kid was sick"

Only use if you actually have children. And don't use it often, unless the baby is a toddler, in which case you have free reign to use it as many times as possible.

4 – "I had a meeting"

Only use if you can enlist your secretary as an accomplice to back the story up with your boss. The only problem is, your boss could end up calling the client. Use with caution.

3 – "I had a flat tire"

A good excuse to use, but not very often. Otherwise your boss will keep giving you crap about your piece of shit car. Don’t use this excuse if you are driving a company car. For obvious reasons.

2 – "I had a car accident"

Don't use this excuse unless you are willing to drive your car into a wall to prove you actually had an accident. Don't drive your car into the wall if you are driving a company car.

1 – "Family Emergency"

The best excuse of them all. The vaguer the better. That way you don't have to really lie. Sleep can be classed as an emergency, and of course, you are your own family.

Now Showing..

Kashf Hesab The movies story revolve around a young engineer who lives his life in wired way and he is in love with a young lady (Suha), she works in criminal lab. One day he gets accused in a rapping a young girl (Deena), and he tries to proof that he is innocent.

The Weekly Ten

Top 10 Tourist Attractions in Kuwait

10 – Beirut Street, Hawalli

Beautiful at any time of year, Beirut Street will provide visitors with an unforgettable experience. The perfect place to get pirated CD's, DVD's, and computer software. Is also aesthetically pleasing, with more misspelt synonyms for "computer" than you thought possible.

9 – The Marina Mall Safari

Take a seat on any one of the benches at Marina Mall and stare at the weird and wonderful creatures before you. An experience that will depress you, but ultimately leave you wanting to come back the next day.

8 – The Water Towers

While you can't really get to them on any road, the water towers on the 5th ring road (or any of the other water towers for that matter) will make you think you are on the set of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Take pictures, then discard them.

7 – Pepsi Street, Shuwaikh

Pepsi Street provides visitors with a unique and entertaining viewing experience. Marvel at the insanely stupid driving, the imbecile parking methods, and wonder how a 5 ton lorry can zigzag through traffic like that. Incredible.

6 – Entertainment City

Walk around the vast landscape and enjoy one of the 3 good working rides at this wonderful theme park. Enjoy a serene boat ride on the man-made Arabian canal, and wonder if you will die of some kind of weird amoeba if you fall in.

5 – The Tariq Rajab Museum

Um. This one is actually pretty good.

4 – The Scientific Centre

A state-of-the-art Aquarium. Make sure you go on feeding day, and hope the shark eats the guy who is feeding it.

3 – Kuwait Zoo

A great place to visit, sit back, and wonder how in God's name the animals are still alive.

2 – Souk Al Mubarakiya

An excellent market-type location where you can get authentic Kuwaiti stuff. And interesting strains of stomach viruses should you choose to eat in any one of the restaurants there.

1 – Kuwait Towers

I wish someone would clean them.

Got Debt?

Screw credit cards and bank loans. Check this guy out:

Moroccan gets hefty loan waived by threatening to commit suicide: A Moroccan hotel employee threatened to commit suicide by throwing himself from the roof of the hotel in Messila Sunday.
Securitymen, firefighters and a medical emergency team rushed to the scene but failed to convince the man to get down. Finally, he said he wanted to meet the hotel’s manager, who then went to the roof of an adjoining building and after one-and-half hours of tense negotiations eventually persuaded the Moroccan to climb down. Sources say the Moroccan had borrowed heavily from the hotel and a bank. “The loans and family pressures led him to this step,” they added. The Moroccan was referred to Rumaithiya Police Station and a case of attempted suicide was registered against him. The Hotel Manager is said to have waived off the expatriate’s loan and accepted all his demands as a goodwill gesture towards the employee and his family.

It's like a fucking scene from "The Negotiator".

"Arab Times Sans Brains"

I really think that they realize how dumb they are, which is why they try to come up with creative titles. It's a shame the titles make them look even dumber:

‘Raid sans warrant’: Three Kuwaiti women filed a complaint at Kaifan Police Station accusing securitymen of raiding their house without a warrant, reports Al-Seyassah daily.
Allegedly, securitymen were searching for the husband of one of the women who is wanted for a crime. The women said securitymen raided the house after midnight without possessing a search and arrest warrant.

And, seriously, what the fuck is this all about?

Missile found in desert: Explosives experts from the Military Engineering Department successfully detonated a missile found recently on a road in Abdaly. According to security sources, Jahra Security Directorate received information about a strange object in the desert, about five kilometers from the main road. Securitymen rushed to the location and found the object was a missile so they called the explosives experts, who safely detonated the missile.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/innerpages.asp?cid=22

The Return of Cinescape

Dear Readers,

You'd think they'd have hired decent writers by now. And by decent, I mean not monkeys.

Mafesh Gher Keda "Nahed" (Nabila Ebeid) as the Greedy Mother fight over "Dina" (Arwa) the innocent talent who falls in love with "Nader" (Khaled Abol Naga) as a Music Talent Hunter & Famous icon/Director & shatters her Family apart when she becomes a big success.

"Morons".

One Two Three -Hindi Diamonds worth Rs.100 million are stolen from a dangerous don, Papa and the precious stones accidentally fall in the hands of Chandu and Chandni, who quickly hide them in a car. Papa and his idiotic henchmen Albert and Pinto are desperately hunting for the diamonds while hot-headed police officer Mayavati Chautala wants to nab criminals.

I really don't think its the henchmen who are idiotic.

You make us proud, boys.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Microscopic Penis Syndrome.

It's all in the mix.

Dear Readers,

Today I have some of the strangest, worst written, and most disturbing stories in quite a while. Enjoy!

Arab Doctor ‘bites’ waiting patient
Kuwait : A Kuwaiti man, whose identity has not been given, has filed a complaint with the police accusing an Arab doctor working at the Al-Qasr Polyclinic of biting his left arm over an argument, reports Al-Rai daily. In his complaint to the police the victim said he was annoyed when the doctor kept talking on his cell phone and showed disregard to the patients who have been waiting for a long time. The complainant has submitted a medical report showing traces of the bite on his arm.

He fucking bit the guy? What the fuck? Why would he bite him? A punch, a kick, even a slap would have sufficed. But a bite?

Cabbie molests Arab woman: Police are looking for the driver of a roaming taxi for molesting an Arab woman in Sabah Al-Nasser, reports Al-Rai daily. The woman in her complaint told the police the man touched her private parts and said he does not want money but was glad to accept the fare of driving her home in kind.

Ok, so firstly. A "Roaming" taxi? As opposed to what, a stationary one? Secondly, what does "was glad to accept the fare of driving her home in kind" mean? What the fuck is the writer on about?

Iraqi ‘sorceress’ arrested: Customs officers at the Abdali border post have arrested an elderly Iraqi woman for attempting to bring into Kuwait sorcery tools. The tools were found hidden inside a specially made belt, reports Arrouiah daily. According to a security source the suspect looked confused when she approached the inspection desk. Moreover, the inspectors also saw her wearing a belt which did not go well with her dress.

Are customs officers now moonlighting as fashion police? And what the fuck are sorcery tools?

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/

The Weekly Ten

Ten Tips on Driving Etiquette in Kuwait.

1 – Do not drive in the far left lane of the highway. If you do choose to drive in this lane, you must travel at a minimum speed of 200 Km/h. The objective of driving in the far left lane is to leave as little room as possible between you and the car ahead. If they do not move to the adjacent lane, flash them with your high beam.

2 – Do not be fooled by the name or the sign: Dual use lanes (Designated to go straight and left) are for single use only, usually straight. Attempting to use the lane to go left will cause a hold-up in traffic.

3 – Drive by accidents as slowly as possible. Take into consideration the fact that the cars in the traffic jam behind you must also take time to stare.

4 – If there is a queue at the U-Turn ahead of you, be an upstanding citizen and drive past the queuing cars to create a second U-Turn lane. Make sure you give a signal.

5 – Maps of the locations of speed cameras are available online. These maps will also show you the locations of the cameras that do not function. Make sure you slow down as you approach a functioning camera, but continue driving like a maniac after you have passed it.

6 – Bonus points are given for creative accidents. Wrapping your car around a lamp post usually scores the highest. Your ruined car will usually be left on the side-walk for 5 – 10 days to give the judges a chance to see.

7 – Ignore people attempting to cross the road, especially at Zebra Crossings. Beep if they do not comply.

8 – Parking at yellow and black curbs is ok, as long as you leave your emergency flasher on.

9 - If you see a friend in a neighboring car, drive adjacent to them at 20 km/h, roll your windows down, and catch up on old times.

10 – If you see a pretty girl in a neighboring car, ask for her number. If she says no, follow her home.

Facebook Scares Me.

Dear Readers,

As you may or may not know, a couple of days ago I created a group for my blog on Facebook. I'll be honest - I wanted to get the word out and have more clicks, more visitors, all things that would ultimately bring me at least a couple of steps closer to my goal of ruling the world.

Joke.

Anyway. So I create the group, and invite my friends, and hit F5 every couple of hours (or minutes) to see how many new members join, how many people have been directed to the blog. Yes, I'm pretty sad. Then, all of a sudden, I see some girl (who claims to be Kuwaiti) without a profile picture has joined the group, and starts to curse at me in one wall post after another for apparently being "a jordanian-palestinian piece of shit" who is "ungrateful and doesn't deserve to live in Kuwait".

She went on and on. Meanwhile, I replied to her wall posting saying, respectfully, that she was entitled to her own opinion, but that there was no need for her to be rude. The blog is not meant to offend anyone - unless you work at the Arab Times or write for Cinescape, in which case my advice to you would be to take some English classes.

Seriously though, read through my blog, and you'll find that not once do I insult Kuwait, Kuwaiti culture, or anything of the sort. In fact, when the infamous Kuwait Times Article bashing Kuwait was published (albeit indirectly and under a supposedly honorable pretense), I wrote a letter to the Kuwait Times and defended the country.

Anyway, so I proceeded to kick her out of the group and ban her permanently. Little did I know, she'd created a topic on the Kuwait Network page (gasp!) bashing me, my group, and the blog. Of course, the rest of the network decided to join her in the cursing, mainly because they have no idea what the blog is about, least of all the fact that it DOES NOT OFFEND THIS COUNTRY.

So I click on her profile, and find that she only has one friend. Obviously, this led me to believe that this was a fake profile, probably someone I've pissed off in the past or something. So I report her to Facebook, and tell them about the blog, that it doesn't offend anyone, and that this person is cursing and bashing me for no good reason.

Within 10 minutes, her profile was deleted, as was the topic on the Network.

10 minutes.

Can you believe that?

The Quack Doctor

Dear Readers,

Funny ass shit:

Fake doctor held after 5 yrs: Acting on information and armed with a search and arrest warrant, securitymen raided an apartment in Hawalli and arrested a quack doctor, a Jordanian identified as A.H, reports Al-Qabas daily. Police confiscated an unspecified quantity of medicines and a forged certificate from the quack doctor and referred him to authorities. The Jordanian admitted that he was illegally practicing medicine for the last five years and even performed many operations.

Firstly, what the fuck is a "quack doctor"? Ok, I know what it means, but who uses that term anyway? Francis Clifford Cardozo, are you teasing me?
And how in God's name did he manage to "perform many operations"?

The ‘hysterical’ maid: Police rushed to Jahra after a GCC national called them saying his housemaid was behaving hysterically, threatening the family, knocking doors and causing disturbance, reports Al-Rai daily. Policemen took the maid to a police station where during interrogations she admitted that she was pretending to be suffering from psychological problems.

So she googled "psychological problems" and came up with "behaving hysterically, threatening the family, knocking doors and causing disturbance".

Beggar flees detention fear: In a funny incident, an elderly woman who was begging in front of the office of Minister of Social Affairs and Labor ran away on foot when an employee told her about the office, reports Al-Anba daily.

You stupid bitch.

Al Sabahiya Block 2 Presents..

Love the titles. Love the cameo by the barber shop. Love the music.

Fucking Idiots.

Cinescape Strikes Again..

Dear Readers,

By now I'm sure you're used to the idiocies that come out of our friends at Cinescape. But the verbal insanity has reached a new level, as we can see from the latest offerings on their "Now Showing" page. It gives me no pleasure whatsoever to present the following:

45 Days The movie story revolves around Ahmad when one day he finds himself getting accused of his parents murder then he sent for psychiatric evaluation in a psychotic hospital for 45 days. While he was in the hospital the real story gets unveil when the real killer is the father when he suspected his wife in a relation with some one, so Ahmad said he is the killer to protect his mother image in front of his sister. The truth saves Ahmad from getting executed.

Asides from having the longest sentence in history, this synopsis makes absolutely no sense. Also, it seems that they have given the movie's ending away. I don't get it, do they want people to come and see the film or not?

Ayazon The movie story revolves around a businessman who searches for his daughter which he missed to be part of her life because of the business that he is handling. Can he catch up with all those missing years and be part of her life again?

Absolutely no comment. None.

Race -Hindi Ranvir and Rajiv are half brothers who own a huge stud farm in South Africa. Sophia is Ranvirs personal secretary. She loves her boss and Ranvir is totally unaware of her feeling. Shaina is an upcoming Indian model. Shaina loves Ranvir but through a twist of fate gets married to his brother Rajiv. In a weak moment Ranvir and Shaina come very close to each other , but when Rajiv starts suspecting his wife, all things break loose. A murder is committed, a contract killing is issued.

What the fuck?

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

TOEFL Courses needed for Arab Times Staff.

By far the dumbest and worst written article I have ever read in the Arab Times.
You be the judge:

Salmiya crimes taking on ‘Jleeb’ pattern: residents

KUWAIT CITY: Residents of Salmiya say the crime pattern in the area and Jleeb Al-Shyoukh is getting increasingly similar as criminals have now begun stealing cars amidst bag snatching incidents. Incidents of such nature were often reported in Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh in the recent times.
Last week, two car thefts were reported in Block 10, while a bag snatching case was reported near the Salmiya garden which is reportedly the meeting point of criminals even as some residents recalled seeing suspicious-looking elements loitering in the precinct of the garden.

Though no new cases have been reported since last Friday, when police swung into action and stepped up surveillance in the area, residents say they are skeptical that normalcy will return to the area anytime soon. Most of the thefts and bag snatching incidents have taken place in Block 10.
Residents said police patrols were seen cruising the streets of Salmiya on Friday and Saturday and were questioning people who were moving suspiciously in the area.

Last Wednesday, a Sri Lankan lady’s bag was snatched away by two Arab men, who came in a car. The lady was emerging out of a store after doing some purchases when a man occupying the passenger seat of the car stepped out and grabbed the bag and jumped into the moving car.
The source added that the lady tried to chase the criminals but lost her balance and fell to the ground. With this incident, the total number of bag snatching cases has risen to three. In the earlier cases both victims were Indians.

No breakthrough was achieved in both cases at the time going to the press. Residents are of the view that most cases go unreported as victims do not want to get involved in the lengthy process of investigation and lack of Arabic knowledge is believed to be another factor.
In another incident, a car of an Indian was stolen last Wednesday after he parked it on an open ground in Block 10, a source said.

A SUV belonging to another Indian was also stolen after the owner had parked it opposite his building. It may be recalled that car thefts were rampant in Jleeb Al-Shyoukh in the past two years with criminals often stealing the parts of the cars and abandoning them in deserted areas.
In an effort to counter the phenomenon, a large number of car owners had installed anti-theft alarms in their vehicles, and this practice seemingly helped to curb the problem.

By Francis A. Clifford Cardozo (AKA DUMBASS)
Arab Times Staff (AKA DUMBASSES)

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/client/pagesdetails.asp?nid=14430&ccid=9

The Weekly Ten

Top 10 Ways to Meet Girls in Kuwait.

10 – MySpace.

To impress a girl on MySpace, you must come up with a kick ass nickname. Q8istud, q8lover, myheart4you, are all great examples. Write in really bad English, and use literal translations of Arabic poetry. Then wait for a reply. But don't hold your breath.

9 – Shopping Malls.

Make sure you frequent shopping malls, especially the food court sections. When you see a girl you like, follow her around and whistle. Make sure you hold your male friend's hand while you do this.

8 – Leave a note on her car.

Leaving a note on a girl's car is another excellent way to try and win her heart. Make sure you leave your name (or your MySpace nickname), e-mail address, and phone number. Also write something romantic, like "your face nice".

7 – Work out.

Join a low-key gym, and make sure you go at least once a day. Buy expired horse steroids, and watch your biceps grow! Girls like guys with hooves.

6 – Show off.

Park your car in the street outside the outdoor section of a coffee shop. Make sure you play your music really loud. Lean against the car and smoke a cigarette. Then wait for them to come running.

5 – Dial Random Phone Numbers.

Dial random phone numbers on your phone. If you manage to get ahold of a girl, sweet talk her. If she hangs up, call back every day.

4 – Buy a Motorbike.

Buy a Motorbike and drive at break-neck speeds on the Gulf Road. Make sure you wear a loose fitting T-shirt, so the wind reveals your beautifully hairy back. Do not wear a helmet, as that way she won't be able to see your face. If you do choose to wear a helmet, make sure you apply a "No Fear" sticker on it. Chicks dig those.

3 – Follow her home.

Nothing turns a girl on more than the prospect of having a guy following her home. While the reasons for this are not known, many scientists have speculated that it could be the rush of adrenaline the girl will get from fear of being molested.

2 – Facebook.

Browse the Kuwait network on Facebook. Message girls who you think are pretty, asking them to add you. If they don't, then ask them to marry you.

1 – Bluetooth.

Switch your Bluetooth on as soon as you leave the house. Make sure your nickname is appealing (a7ebbech and kuwaitsexyman are good examples). Once you find a girl, send her pornography.

What have I missed!!

Dear Readers,

As you know, I've been out of the country for a couple of days. It seems the staff at the Arab times were saving their best (or worst, depending on which way you look at it) news for when they knew I couldn't blog!

Below are the things both you and I have missed. Try to restrain yourself:

Egyptian Boy ‘humiliated’: An 18-year-old Egyptian boy filed a complaint at Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh Police Station accusing a Customs inspector at the Kuwait International Airport of humiliating him and slapping him several times, reports Al-Watan daily. The complainant said he was shocked when the inspector took him to a special room and asked him to take off all his clothes for inspection. When the youth refused to oblige, the inspector allegedly started slapping him.

‘Rowdy’ woman: A Kuwaiti man filed a complaint against an elderly woman accusing her of breaking the window panes of his vehicle, reports Arrouiah daily. Allegedly, when the woman was summoned by police, she started verbally abusing policemen. A case has been registered against her for damaging the Kuwaiti man’s car and for insulting police.

Faithful shocked: A number of Western Christians, who attended Good Friday mass in churches in Sharq, were shocked to find traffic citations on the windscreen of their cars, reports Al-Seyassah daily. The citations were signed by a policeman named Abdulaziz. The daily regretted that the policeman did not take the holy occasion into consideration.

Love the writing. Just love it.

Send me home!: An unidentified hysterical man broke into the Egyptian embassy and pleaded officials to help him leave the country, reports Al-Watan daily. The knife wielding man threatened to kill himself and anyone who approached him. Police rushed to the place, managed to calm him and took him to the psychiatric hospital in presence of an embassy employee.

I guess Kuwait does get the best of us sometimes..

Ex-wife accused: A Kuwaiti man filed a complaint against his ex-wife accusing her of negligence in looking after their two-year-old daughter, reports Al-Watan daily. Reportedly, the girl suffered second-degree burns when hot water fell on her.

So the water just fell on her? From nowhere?

Classmate raped: Police are looking for two teenagers who allegedly kidnapped and raped their Kuwaiti classmate in Sabah Al-Salem area, reports Al-Seyassah daily. The duo allegedly bundled their friend into a vehicle, drove to a desert area and raped him.

Client, pimp held: Acting on information and armed with a search and arrest warrant, securitymen raided a number of vice dens in Farwaniya and arrested 15 Asian prostitutes, a pimp and a client and referred them to authorities, reports Al-Qabas daily.

This country confuses me.

Do they know they're idiots?

Dear readers,

I am blogging from the airport at the moment, where for some strange reason I can write posts, but I can't actually view my blog. In fact, the Zajil connection is so temperamental that MSN won't connect, nor will it open gmail, or hotmail, or anything. But, surprise surprise, 2:48 a.m. works. What kind of Nazi bullshit is this?

Also, Smartlink can kiss my ass.

Anyway, I have a plane to catch. Don't miss me too much. And I bet you all the money in the world there will still be idiots to blog about by the time I get back!

Yep. We've all been there.

Earlier this evening:

3 to 6 hours later:

Drunk Asian man found nude: Police have arrested an Asian man for consuming alcohol, reports Al-Watan daily. According to a security source the man was semi-naked lying next to a garbage container in Mangaf. Two Kuwaiti women who were passing by thought the man was dead and informed the police. However, some passersby and friends helped the drunkard to wear a pair of trousers before police arrived. According to a security source the man was so high on alcohol he did not know what he was doing.

The Headlines

Oh Lord. The headlines. Please, someone say something. PLEASE!

Filipina back from the dead: A Filipino woman who was injured in a road accident on the Arabian Gulf Street has been admitted to a hospital, reports Arrouiah daily. The victim who works for a well-known hotel was on her way to a bus stop when a speeding Pakistani motorist hit her. It has been reported the victim’s heart stopped pumping and paramedics revived her with an electrical shock. The motorist has been referred to a police station.

What a morbid fucking headline.

UK, Kuwaiti families in sky-high brawl: The Kuwait International Airport police have referred two families - a British and a Kuwaiti - to the concerned authorities for fighting aboard a flight coming from London, reports Arrouiah daily. The daily did not give more details.

After such a sensational title (you know I love a good expat vs. kuwaiti gossip), the "daily did not give more details"? Seriously? Fuck the daily!


Daggers drawn over girl: A police lance corporal has filed a complaint with the Sabah Al-Salem Police Station accusing three men —including a first sergeant — of assaulting him, reports Al-Rai daily. According to the complainant the first sergeant pulled out a butcher’s knife and threatened to kill him. He added, some passersby intervened and saved the man’s life. The complainant said the incident took place when the first sergeant was harassing an unidentified Arab girl. When a Bedoun youth intervened the suspect took him to a police station and was beaten up. When the police officer on duty learned the truth he warned the first sergeant told him not to repeat the offence. The suspect thought it was the lance corporal who complained about him to the superior and picked up on him.

There are no daggers in this story. None at all.

Speaking of Jahra..

Love the music.

Cross dressers & Gang wars: Jahra revamped

You'd think the following reports would come out of, say, South Central LA...

Cross-dresser held: Jahra securitymen have arrested an unidentified non-Kuwaiti young man for cross dressing inside a famous commercial complex in Jahra. Security sources said police stopped the youth after noticing he was a man dressed like a woman. The youth tried to evade arrest but police overpowered him and referred him to the concerned authorities.

4 Suffer Knife wounds in Qasr gang war: A fight erupted between two groups of youths in Al-Qasr recently resulting in injuries to four of them. Immediately after receiving a call about the fight, police rushed to the location and referred the injured to Jahra Hospital. Security sources said the youths attacked each other with knives. Some of the youths managed to evade arrest while those who were apprehended were referred to the concerned authorities. A case was registered at Jahra Police Station and investigations are ongoing to determine the circumstances leading to the scuffle.

"Marginal Labor"

The picture really says it all.

8 held for immoral acts in Khaitan: The Farwaniya security personnel recently raided three apartments in Khaitan and arrested eight Asians for committing immoral acts. A reliable source told the Arab Times the arrests came following an ongoing campaign by the security agencies from the Farwaniya governorate to rid the area of what the authorities call ‘marginal’ laborers.
The same source said the arrested persons have confessed to committing immoral crimes.

Although, I have to say that the guy in the back looks like he just happened to be wandering the corridors and found a good photo op...!

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/pagesdetails.asp?nid=13776&ccid=22

Filipino assaulted over 100 fils coin by Indians and Bangladeshis: Police arrested nine Asians, including Indians and Bangladeshis, for allegedly assaulting a Filipino man in Sharq area, reports Al-Anba daily. Reportedly, the Filipino wanted to buy a bottle of water and gave a very damaged 100 fils coin to the Asians. When the Asians refused to accept the coin, the Filipino allegedly insisted on buying the water bottle with the same coin. Soon the disagreement developed into a major fight and the Filipino was at the receiving end of the blows. Police rushed to the scene, rescued the Filipino and arrested the Asians.

How the hell do you "badly damage" a 100 fils coin? Unless you're like David Blaine or something.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/pagesdetails.asp?nid=13778&ccid=22