Robert Paschall Jr.

Dear Readers,

As you may well know, I've been away for quite some time now, and haven't been checking the blog at all. Little did I know that a post I created a little over a year ago has been the cause of controversy for the past month or so.

I'll give you a little background.

Sometime last year, I was browsing the now defunct Daily Star Weekend Edition, when I stumbled upon the "Celebrity Birthdays" section. I was quite shocked to find that they had added Rick James' birthday, even going as far as to say that he had just turned 59. The only problem is that Rick James died in 2004.

Also on the birthday list was a gentleman named Robert Paschall Jr. Now, I'm quite the film buff, and I had never heard of this guy. So I google him, only to find that he's not really a celebrity at all, but an electrician/all around set guy who's worked on his fair share of productions, such as "Walker, Texas Ranger", among others.

Naturally, one question popped into mind. Why would The Daily Star add a non-celebrity to the celebrity birthdays list? I mean, I'd be pretty chuffed if my name was up there, but I still wouldn't think it to be right if I wasn't a celebrity, right? I'm sounding pretty reasonable right now, but this is how I put it at the time:

"Has anyone ever heard of Robert Paschall Jr? Thats right, you haven't. Its because he is not a celebrity at all. He is an electrician. "Bobby" has contributed his stellar electrical know-how to such award winning audio-visual treats as "Power Rangers: Wild Force" and "Walker, Texas Ranger". I understand that our definition of celebrity is pretty blurred these days, but an electrician? Thats pushing it. Also, in my quest to find this obscure gentleman on the internet (and it was a difficult quest, spurred by mind-numbing boredom), i found out that his birthday is actually on the 31st of January. They couldn't even get that right."

You see?? They didn't even get the non-celebrity's birthday right, the morons.

Ok. So fast forward a year and a half to this morning, when I checked my blog for the first time in two months, to find the following comment on my latest post:

"Your an idiot. I left you some comments on the page discussing me. Once an idiot, always an idiot. Oh, did I mention racist. That too.

Signed
Robert Paschall Jr"

What the fuck?? Naturally, I had no idea who this guy was, so I searched for his name on my blog to find the Celebrity Birthdays post I had written so long ago. Then it made sense. To make matters worse, these are the comments he left:

"wHY ARE YOU BEING SO HATEFULL, DO I WRONG YOU?

SIGNED
Robert Paschall Jr"

"It is a sad day when a fat guy, in his moms basement, tries to be funny. It is also sad that you spend so much time on the web and still don't know how it works. Hence, your internet search sucks. I made the short film "Bruised" a few years ago and won a bunch of awards for it. So I am a little known in the film world, a world you most not be a part of. As soon as someone can tell me who you are, I will listen to your cake hole. Until then, you should stop the crap from flowing out of your mouth. If you have a problem with that, let me know, we can talk about it.

Signed
Robert Paschall Jr"

Again, What the fuck?

So I would like to set the record straight with this guy, as I have no idea what his problem is.

FIRSTLY, moron, the fact that you found my blog means that you googled yourself. That's pretty fucking sad. In fact, I'd take some geography lessons/read more so I don't type "qwait" like you did when you googled this blog last.

Secondly, if you had read the post properly and not gone neandrathal when you read your name, you would have figured out that I was making fun of the idiots at The Daily Star, and not you. They claimed Rick James was still alive and well and at Party Land buying shit for his birthday bash, and that Sherman Hemsley was 10 years older than he actually is. Also, I made fun of them for adding you to the CELEBRITY birthdays list. I'd hate to break it to you pal, but you're not a celebrity. Are you a dead coke-head 80's pop star? No. Are you a washed up comedian? No. Are you Michael Jackson's ex-wife? No. Do you think you have anything in common with the other celebrities in the list? No you don't.

I don't mean to knock you or insult you dude, but you are not famous. In fact, you've barely done ANY acting, and asides from re-wiring Chuck Norris' night light, fuck all else.

Thirdly, I wouldn't make presumptions about me and the film industry. Put it this way: I know film better than you know wires. I happen to have done quite a lot of work for the industry in the Middle East, including establishing a fund for aspiring filmmakers, as well as organizing countless film screenings. I've also written and produced several short films. But you don't see me calling myself a Celebrity, do you?

Last but not least, the fact that you'd think I'm a "fat guy living in my parent's basement" bodes really, really badly for your outlook on the world. Are all bloggers fat guys who live in their parent's basements? That's a lot of fat guys. And a lot of basements.

I am not going to apologize for you taking my post the wrong way, because I didn't insult you. I made fun of The Daily Star for being total morons.

And one more thing. I'm a racist, am I? Well if you would take your dumbass American head out of your fat American ass, you'd actually read the posts on my blog and find that there is not one iota of racism, sexism, bigotry, or any other form of discrimination on my blog.

I went to college, asshole.

If you don't like this blog, then fuck off and don't read it.