Sunday, April 20, 2008

The "Krazzy" 4

Check this shit out...

Juba -Arabic Juba is a name of a small town in Somalia and passes thru it a river has the same name of this town. This river floods the town with water once in awhile which it causes the crocodiles to attack the town people and eat many humans which to the point it became as ritual. Yousef is an African champion in shooting and he a reporter at the percent where he was in the same time long time ago with peace keeping forces, and he made many friends back then. Now peace keeping forces are gathering again to keep the peace in Juba once again.

Krazzy 4 -Hindi Its a mad, mad, mad world out there. Someones nutty about money ... Someones deranged by power... Someones cracked with stress... Someones unhinged by overwork... Someones insanely in love.... Its a mad, mad, mad world out there, and everybodys worried theyre going bananas.... Except the Krazzy 4. Because they know theyre already Krazzy!

Someone needs to be shot and/or maimed.

Mulla -Malayalam Dileep plays a very different title character, in a different get up and baldhead, in the movie. Scripted by Sindhuraj, the movie is about Mulla, the son of a worker in a criminals colony who is also a goonda.

What the fuck is a goonda?

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

"An Unnatural State"


Dear Readers,

I haven't added any reports from the Arab times recently, and for good reason. Simply put, there weren't any reports I deemed worthy of a posting. However, it seems that today, the idiots have come out in full force. It's like they're angry, like they think I've been ignoring them! Fret not, my morons. This post is dedicated to you.


Garden ‘lovers’ in custody
: Criminal Investigations Department (CID) men arrested two Asian expatriates for committing an immoral act in a garden in Salmiya. According to sources, the CID men caught the Asians in an ‘unnatural’ state and referred them to authorities.

What, exactly, constituted an "unnatural state"? In an "unrelated incident"..

Homos put in solitary: Two Asian inmates, believed to be homosexuals and serving time at the Central Prison for an unidentified crime, have been punished by sending them into solitary confinement, reports Al-Watan daily. The inmates were caught committing an indecent act.

Firstly, if they are only "believed to be" homosexuals, then why does the title presume they are? And if they are indeed "homos", then surely that is the "unidentified crime" that they committed. In a garden, possibly. Also, I love the title of this next one.

'The money is mine’: A case has been filed against an unidentified female Kuwaiti bank employee for refusing to return KD 10,000 which had been mistakenly remitted to her bank account, reports Al-Rai daily. The daily did not give more details.

Loss shocks Saudi boy: An 11-year-old Saudi boy who fell ill after watching his favorite Saudi Arabian football club lose soccer game has been admitted to the Adan Hospital, reports Al-Qabas daily. It has been reported the boy is upset psychologically. The daily did not give more details.

It's just a game, moron.

Lord have mercy on our souls.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Weekly Ten


Dear Readers,

Sorry I haven't been updating the blog much recently - I've been busy engaging in drunken debauchery in Dubai. The worst part is, I missed the sorry excuse for a hurricane that we had a few days ago. Ho hum. Anyway, here's this week's ten:

Top 10 Excuses to give your boss if you are late for work

10 – "I was up all night puking – I had some bad take out".

Good for use at least once a month. Make sure you don't use it too often though, as you might tempt fate and actually get food poisoning.

9 – "My alarm didn't ring"

Use only once in your lifetime, if you are desperate. Using it more than once will result in your boss waking you up with a phone call every morning. Not good.

8 – "I thought it was the weekend"

Also only good for use once. You can't think it is the weekend everyday. Otherwise you would be a moron.

7 – "I was stuck in traffic"

A good excuse to use regularly, although if everyone else is in the office on time, then it will start to wear thin after the 5th time.

6 – "I had to go to the doctor"

Also good to use. But eventually you are going to have to claim on your medical insurance, and HR might do some checking on you. Use with caution.

5 – "My kid was sick"

Only use if you actually have children. And don't use it often, unless the baby is a toddler, in which case you have free reign to use it as many times as possible.

4 – "I had a meeting"

Only use if you can enlist your secretary as an accomplice to back the story up with your boss. The only problem is, your boss could end up calling the client. Use with caution.

3 – "I had a flat tire"

A good excuse to use, but not very often. Otherwise your boss will keep giving you crap about your piece of shit car. Don’t use this excuse if you are driving a company car. For obvious reasons.

2 – "I had a car accident"

Don't use this excuse unless you are willing to drive your car into a wall to prove you actually had an accident. Don't drive your car into the wall if you are driving a company car.

1 – "Family Emergency"

The best excuse of them all. The vaguer the better. That way you don't have to really lie. Sleep can be classed as an emergency, and of course, you are your own family.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Now Showing..


Kashf Hesab The movies story revolve around a young engineer who lives his life in wired way and he is in love with a young lady (Suha), she works in criminal lab. One day he gets accused in a rapping a young girl (Deena), and he tries to proof that he is innocent.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Weekly Ten


Top 10 Tourist Attractions in Kuwait

10 – Beirut Street, Hawalli

Beautiful at any time of year, Beirut Street will provide visitors with an unforgettable experience. The perfect place to get pirated CD's, DVD's, and computer software. Is also aesthetically pleasing, with more misspelt synonyms for "computer" than you thought possible.

9 – The Marina Mall Safari

Take a seat on any one of the benches at Marina Mall and stare at the weird and wonderful creatures before you. An experience that will depress you, but ultimately leave you wanting to come back the next day.

8 – The Water Towers

While you can't really get to them on any road, the water towers on the 5th ring road (or any of the other water towers for that matter) will make you think you are on the set of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Take pictures, then discard them.

7 – Pepsi Street, Shuwaikh

Pepsi Street provides visitors with a unique and entertaining viewing experience. Marvel at the insanely stupid driving, the imbecile parking methods, and wonder how a 5 ton lorry can zigzag through traffic like that. Incredible.

6 – Entertainment City

Walk around the vast landscape and enjoy one of the 3 good working rides at this wonderful theme park. Enjoy a serene boat ride on the man-made Arabian canal, and wonder if you will die of some kind of weird amoeba if you fall in.

5 – The Tariq Rajab Museum

Um. This one is actually pretty good.

4 – The Scientific Centre

A state-of-the-art Aquarium. Make sure you go on feeding day, and hope the shark eats the guy who is feeding it.

3 – Kuwait Zoo

A great place to visit, sit back, and wonder how in God's name the animals are still alive.

2 – Souk Al Mubarakiya

An excellent market-type location where you can get authentic Kuwaiti stuff. And interesting strains of stomach viruses should you choose to eat in any one of the restaurants there.

1 – Kuwait Towers

I wish someone would clean them.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Got Debt?


Screw credit cards and bank loans. Check this guy out:

Moroccan gets hefty loan waived by threatening to commit suicide:
A Moroccan hotel employee threatened to commit suicide by throwing himself from the roof of the hotel in Messila Sunday.
Securitymen, firefighters and a medical emergency team rushed to the scene but failed to convince the man to get down. Finally, he said he wanted to meet the hotel’s manager, who then went to the roof of an adjoining building and after one-and-half hours of tense negotiations eventually persuaded the Moroccan to climb down. Sources say the Moroccan had borrowed heavily from the hotel and a bank. “The loans and family pressures led him to this step,” they added. The Moroccan was referred to Rumaithiya Police Station and a case of attempted suicide was registered against him. The Hotel Manager is said to have waived off the expatriate’s loan and accepted all his demands as a goodwill gesture towards the employee and his family.

It's like a fucking scene from "The Negotiator".

Monday, April 7, 2008

"Arab Times Sans Brains"


I really think that they realize how dumb they are, which is why they try to come up with creative titles. It's a shame the titles make them look even dumber:

‘Raid sans warrant’: Three Kuwaiti women filed a complaint at Kaifan Police Station accusing securitymen of raiding their house without a warrant, reports Al-Seyassah daily.
Allegedly, securitymen were searching for the husband of one of the women who is wanted for a crime. The women said securitymen raided the house after midnight without possessing a search and arrest warrant.

And, seriously, what the fuck is this all about?

Missile found in desert: Explosives experts from the Military Engineering Department successfully detonated a missile found recently on a road in Abdaly. According to security sources, Jahra Security Directorate received information about a strange object in the desert, about five kilometers from the main road. Securitymen rushed to the location and found the object was a missile so they called the explosives experts, who safely detonated the missile.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/innerpages.asp?cid=22

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Return of Cinescape


Dear Readers,

You'd think they'd have hired decent writers by now. And by decent, I mean not monkeys.


Mafesh Gher Keda "Nahed" (Nabila Ebeid) as the Greedy Mother fight over "Dina" (Arwa) the innocent talent who falls in love with "Nader" (Khaled Abol Naga) as a Music Talent Hunter & Famous icon/Director & shatters her Family apart when she becomes a big success.

"Morons".

One Two Three -Hindi Diamonds worth Rs.100 million are stolen from a dangerous don, Papa and the precious stones accidentally fall in the hands of Chandu and Chandni, who quickly hide them in a car. Papa and his idiotic henchmen Albert and Pinto are desperately hunting for the diamonds while hot-headed police officer Mayavati Chautala wants to nab criminals.

I really don't think its the henchmen who are idiotic.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

You make us proud, boys.



What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Microscopic Penis Syndrome.

Friday, April 4, 2008

It's all in the mix.


Dear Readers,

Today I have some of the strangest, worst written, and most disturbing stories in quite a while. Enjoy!


Arab Doctor ‘bites’ waiting patient

Kuwait : A Kuwaiti man, whose identity has not been given, has filed a complaint with the police accusing an Arab doctor working at the Al-Qasr Polyclinic of biting his left arm over an argument, reports Al-Rai daily. In his complaint to the police the victim said he was annoyed when the doctor kept talking on his cell phone and showed disregard to the patients who have been waiting for a long time. The complainant has submitted a medical report showing traces of the bite on his arm.

He fucking bit the guy? What the fuck? Why would he bite him? A punch, a kick, even a slap would have sufficed. But a bite?


Cabbie molests Arab woman: Police are looking for the driver of a roaming taxi for molesting an Arab woman in Sabah Al-Nasser, reports Al-Rai daily. The woman in her complaint told the police the man touched her private parts and said he does not want money but was glad to accept the fare of driving her home in kind.

Ok, so firstly. A "Roaming" taxi? As opposed to what, a stationary one? Secondly, what does "was glad to accept the fare of driving her home in kind" mean? What the fuck is the writer on about?


Iraqi ‘sorceress’ arrested: Customs officers at the Abdali border post have arrested an elderly Iraqi woman for attempting to bring into Kuwait sorcery tools. The tools were found hidden inside a specially made belt, reports Arrouiah daily. According to a security source the suspect looked confused when she approached the inspection desk. Moreover, the inspectors also saw her wearing a belt which did not go well with her dress.

Are customs officers now moonlighting as fashion police? And what the fuck are sorcery tools?


http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Weekly Ten


Ten Tips on Driving Etiquette in Kuwait.

1 – Do not drive in the far left lane of the highway. If you do choose to drive in this lane, you must travel at a minimum speed of 200 Km/h. The objective of driving in the far left lane is to leave as little room as possible between you and the car ahead. If they do not move to the adjacent lane, flash them with your high beam.

2 – Do not be fooled by the name or the sign: Dual use lanes (Designated to go straight and left) are for single use only, usually straight. Attempting to use the lane to go left will cause a hold-up in traffic.

3 – Drive by accidents as slowly as possible. Take into consideration the fact that the cars in the traffic jam behind you must also take time to stare.

4 – If there is a queue at the U-Turn ahead of you, be an upstanding citizen and drive past the queuing cars to create a second U-Turn lane. Make sure you give a signal.

5 – Maps of the locations of speed cameras are available online. These maps will also show you the locations of the cameras that do not function. Make sure you slow down as you approach a functioning camera, but continue driving like a maniac after you have passed it.

6 – Bonus points are given for creative accidents. Wrapping your car around a lamp post usually scores the highest. Your ruined car will usually be left on the side-walk for 5 – 10 days to give the judges a chance to see.

7 – Ignore people attempting to cross the road, especially at Zebra Crossings. Beep if they do not comply.

8 – Parking at yellow and black curbs is ok, as long as you leave your emergency flasher on.

9 - If you see a friend in a neighboring car, drive adjacent to them at 20 km/h, roll your windows down, and catch up on old times.

10 – If you see a pretty girl in a neighboring car, ask for her number. If she says no, follow her home.

Facebook Scares Me.


Dear Readers,

As you may or may not know, a couple of days ago I created a group for my blog on Facebook. I'll be honest - I wanted to get the word out and have more clicks, more visitors, all things that would ultimately bring me at least a couple of steps closer to my goal of ruling the world.

Joke.

Anyway. So I create the group, and invite my friends, and hit F5 every couple of hours (or minutes) to see how many new members join, how many people have been directed to the blog. Yes, I'm pretty sad. Then, all of a sudden, I see some girl (who claims to be Kuwaiti) without a profile picture has joined the group, and starts to curse at me in one wall post after another for apparently being "a jordanian-palestinian piece of shit" who is "ungrateful and doesn't deserve to live in Kuwait".

She went on and on. Meanwhile, I replied to her wall posting saying, respectfully, that she was entitled to her own opinion, but that there was no need for her to be rude. The blog is not meant to offend anyone - unless you work at the Arab Times or write for Cinescape, in which case my advice to you would be to take some English classes.

Seriously though, read through my blog, and you'll find that not once do I insult Kuwait, Kuwaiti culture, or anything of the sort. In fact, when the infamous Kuwait Times Article bashing Kuwait was published (albeit indirectly and under a supposedly honorable pretense), I wrote a letter to the Kuwait Times and defended the country.

Anyway, so I proceeded to kick her out of the group and ban her permanently. Little did I know, she'd created a topic on the Kuwait Network page (gasp!) bashing me, my group, and the blog. Of course, the rest of the network decided to join her in the cursing, mainly because they have no idea what the blog is about, least of all the fact that it DOES NOT OFFEND THIS COUNTRY.

So I click on her profile, and find that she only has one friend. Obviously, this led me to believe that this was a fake profile, probably someone I've pissed off in the past or something. So I report her to Facebook, and tell them about the blog, that it doesn't offend anyone, and that this person is cursing and bashing me for no good reason.

Within 10 minutes, her profile was deleted, as was the topic on the Network.

10 minutes.

Can you believe that?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Quack Doctor


Dear Readers,

Funny ass shit:

Fake doctor held after 5 yrs: Acting on information and armed with a search and arrest warrant, securitymen raided an apartment in Hawalli and arrested a quack doctor, a Jordanian identified as A.H, reports Al-Qabas daily. Police confiscated an unspecified quantity of medicines and a forged certificate from the quack doctor and referred him to authorities. The Jordanian admitted that he was illegally practicing medicine for the last five years and even performed many operations.

Firstly, what the fuck is a "quack doctor"? Ok, I know what it means, but who uses that term anyway? Francis Clifford Cardozo, are you teasing me?
And how in God's name did he manage to "perform many operations"?

The ‘hysterical’ maid: Police rushed to Jahra after a GCC national called them saying his housemaid was behaving hysterically, threatening the family, knocking doors and causing disturbance, reports Al-Rai daily. Policemen took the maid to a police station where during interrogations she admitted that she was pretending to be suffering from psychological problems.

So she googled "psychological problems" and came up with "behaving hysterically, threatening the family, knocking doors and causing disturbance".

Beggar flees detention fear: In a funny incident, an elderly woman who was begging in front of the office of Minister of Social Affairs and Labor ran away on foot when an employee told her about the office, reports Al-Anba daily.

You stupid bitch.