Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The titles get creative!


Looks like the Arab Times staff are adding some "attitude" to their reports.. but as the titles below suggest, they're still dumbasses.

‘I don’t need no husband’ - Bedoun Woman runs away from house
Kuwait : Police have ‘arrested’ a Bedoun woman who was reported missing by her husband one month ago, reports Al-Rai daily. The woman who was found near the Palace of Justice told police she preferred to run away from the house because her husband pushed her into committing immoral acts.
She added her husband made her sign a promissory note for KD 10,000 before she escaped.

Was this woman black? And does she live in South Central LA? Ah don't need no husband! lol


You cannot hide it!: General Drug Control Department securitymen on Tuesday foiled the attempt of two Syrians to smuggle 10,000 ‘Coptagon’ pills into the country...

What a fucking stupid title for a report. "You cannot hide it!". Fools.


Rose … and a thank you
Kuwait : Police are looking for four unidentified persons for stealing KD 1,000 from a GCC man. The incident took place when the victim invited the men to visit his stable in Ahmadi, reports Alam Al-Yawm daily. In his complaint to the police the victim said the suspects without his knowledge broke the side glass of his vehicle and stole the money and a credit card. He added the thieves left behind a rose and a thank you note for his hospitality.

Words fail me.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12592&ccid=22

Monday, February 18, 2008

"Hostrical" locations..


Is "Lighted" even a word?

The Arab Times' "Classifieds" Section:


Lighted Party Fountain | Beverage & Drink Centerpiece
Ideal for birthday parties, weddings, and other special events, this fountain holds up to 1 gallon of any favorite beverage and features a three-tier cascading tower. The unit pumps liquid from the lighted bottom bowl up to the top. The beverage then cascades back down in a waterfall effect from one tier to the next through holes around the outside of the bowls. This multi-tier fountain is so impressive you might have to remind your guests to stick their cup in to fill it—or they’ll just stand there hypnotized by the sight and sound of liquid cascading like a waterfall from one tier to the next. Pour up to 1 gal. of punch or other beverage into the main reservoir and watch as the liquid is pumped to the top then tumbles from tier to tier. Made of ornately molded clear plastic,. Perfect for parties and family get-togethers, the fountain comes with eight 8-oz. cups. Let the good times flow. PRICE / 22KD with delivery !

Bear in mind that you might have to "remind your guests to stick their cup in to fill it, because they'll be standing there hypnotized" at the plastic piece of crap in front of them.

And, I've never seen a longer sentence than the one below:

Playschool & Babysitting A well known Play School in Hawally, known for its Special Care and Love Teaching by Play-Way method Motherly attention and care We assure your child will be the shining star of tomorrow at Tiny Tots Nursery & Playgroup Baby sitting is also available with experienced lady. pls contact us on 7123283 or email us back

What the fuck is "Love teaching by play-way method"?

UMRAH SERVISING
ALL KINDS OF TRANSPORTAION ALL CATEGORIES OF HOTELS Makkah, Madinah, jeddah all hostrical islamic locations FOR GROUPS AND INDIVIDUALS

A good contact to have should you ever need to visit any "hostrical" islamic locations.


want, business partners in UMRAH ANY ONE WISH TO COOPERATE IN UMRAH PERFORMINC WORLD WIDE ARE MOST WELCOM, THROUGH GREAT AND CHEAP PACKAGES. INCLUDING VERY GOOD SERVICING MOH441@HOTMAIL.COM

Includes very good "Servicing"? What does that mean? Ummm...


http://www.arabtimesonline.com/client/classifiedsinnerpage.asp?offset=0&clid=10

Sunday, February 17, 2008

There are no words.


Schizo Kuwait.

Naked Ethiopian woman at Kuwait Towers held

Kuwait : Police have arrested an Ethiopian woman who allegedly stood naked under the Kuwait Towers and referred her to authorities for questioning, reports Al-Rai daily.


Pimp, prostitutes arrested: Acting on information and armed with a search and arrest warrant, securitymen raided a vice den in Salmiya and arrested six prostitutes and a transvestite pimp and referred them to authorities, reports Arrouiah daily.

Kuwaiti still at large in Mangaf ‘suicide-shooting’
Kuwait : Police are looking for a Kuwaiti man who shot in the air to escape from a building from which an Indonesian woman fell to her death in Mangaf, reports Al-Seyassah daily.
Earlier reports said the woman’s Indonesian husband, accompanied by the Kuwaiti man, burst into her apartment and fired five bullets from a Kalashinkov Thursday evening. The woman allegedly got terrified and jumped from the sixth floor apartment and died instantly. The woman’s husband was arrested but his Kuwaiti accomplice managed to flee by firing randomly in the air.
Al-Rai daily, however, gave a different version of the story saying the apartment was being used as a brothel and police arrested eight Asian men involved in the crime.Reportedly, four out of them admitted to breaking into the apartment in search of a Bangladeshi pimp.

Dog stuck in engine rescued: Firefighters rescued a dog which hid in the engine of a Kuwaiti woman’s car, reports Al-Watan daily.
The woman called the Operations Room of the Interior Ministry saying a dog was barking from the engine of her car. Firefighters rushed to the spot and managed to get the dog out.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12409&ccid=22

Saturday, February 16, 2008

"Mystery Shrouds Death"... Dum Dum Duuum..


Where, exactly, is the mystery?

Mystery shrouds Indonesian woman’s death

Kuwait : An Indonesian woman fell to her death from the sixth floor of a building in Mangaf Thursday evening. The incident occurred after her compatriot husband, accompanied by a Kuwaiti man, burst into her apartment holding a Kalashnikov and threatened to kill her.

Where the hell do you get a machine gun, let alone a Kalashnikov, in Kuwait??

Securitymen, who rushed to the scene, arrested the Indonesian man but his Kuwaiti accomplice managed to escape before the arrival of securitymen. According to sources, the Indonesian man fired bullets at random, causing damage to some cars parked in front of the building.
According to eyewitnesses the death was instantaneous. They also said soon after the woman fell to the ground, some persons were seen driving in a Jeep shooting randomly in the air, reports Arrouiah daily.

What the hell?

And please explain to me how these reports are even newsworthy...

Domestic cat injures boy: A 7-year-old boy, who was attacked by a cat inside his home in Dasma, has been admitted to a hospital with scratches on his face, reports Al-Watan daily. According to a security source the injuries are serious and the boy began bleeding profusely after the attack.

This report, of course, was in the "Kuwait Crime" section of the paper. Does that mean the cat is going to be arrested?

Machine smoke scares Asian: Acting on information firemen rushed to an unidentified press establishment of the Press Street after an expatriate, whose identity has not been disclosed, called the Operations Department of the Ministry of Interior when he saw smoke coming from the roof of the building, reports Al-Wasat daily. When firemen reached the spot they discovered the smoke was coming from printing machines - which is a normal phenomenon.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha..

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12359&ccid=22

Patriotism & Unity..


Hala February Festival 2008 kicks off

Kuwait : The Ninth Hala February Festival started Friday with a big carnival along Salem Al-Mubarak street in Salmiya. A large number of state officials and public figures are taking part in the event which will last through March 15, chairman of the media committee of the festival Waleed Al-Saqabi told KUNA. 'This year celebrations feature various activities and programs that will please all participants across the country,' he pointed out. 'The festival is expected to attract several local, Arab and foreign musical bands and folklore troupes as well as representatives of major mass media, including numerous TV channels.

'The organizing committee of the festival is making its utmost to present the festival in the best form.
'Special care is given to the entertainment of children and families which reflects Kuwait's aspiration to be a tourist hub in the Arabian Gulf region,' Al-Saqabi noted. 'The activities of the festival highlight the national values and morals, such as patriotism and unity and seek to pass them on to children and future generations. The intensive participation in the festival reflects clear defiance to the current bad weather in Kuwait, Al-Saqabi added. (KUNA)

That's funny. When I was passing through Salmiya yesterday, I didn't see any activities, programs, Arab or foreign musical bands or folklore troupes, or mass media. I definitely didn't see and patriotism or unity. Unless you class hanging a Kuwait flag on your car while simultaneously spraying passing vehicles with foam patriotism. But hey, what do I know?

According to this article though, the encouragement of such behavior only means that it is an integral part of the national values and morals of the country. And, of course, people all over the world will want to flock to the newest tourism hub in the Arabian Gulf. No one would spray you in Dubai, the morons.


http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12331&ccid=9

"Serpentine Queues"..


Well, this post is just full of idiots..

Traffic signals to be synchronized

KUWAIT : The General Traffic Department at the Ministry of Interior has formulated a plan to synchronize all traffic signals in the country to reduce the number of road accidents, reports Al-Watan daily. Accordingly, if a driver passes through a green signal at one traffic signal, the next traffic signal will also be green by the time he reaches there.

No matter how fast he's driving? How the hell are they going to implement this? And if the signal's not green when you reach it, can you sue?

Sources say the plan will be implemented shortly in some streets which witness frequent traffic jams such as the Al-Balloshi Street, the intersection of Fahd Al-Salem Street in Salhiya and the intersections of Arabian Gulf Street.

In another development, the computer network at the Kuwait International Airport crashed Thursday, resulting in long serpentine queues at all entrance and exit counters. Sources say this is the third breakdown in a very short span of time.

So wait, the computer network crashing at the Airport is a "development"? And what the hell is a serpentine queue? Who the hell talks like that? And why would they add the network crash report to the traffic light one? Are they related at all?

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12333&ccid=9

Thieves..


I stopped by Digits today (formerly known as Mac City, or iCity, or whatever) to buy a USB Dock Connector for my iPod. It's the cable that connects the iPod to a computer so you can sync your songs etc.

I was shocked to find that it costs KD 15. That's right. KD 15 for a lousy cable. What the hell?

KD 15 = Approximately 1/6 of the price of an iPod, 1/2 of the price of a small iPod (shuffle etc), a meal for one @ Gaucho Grill, a ticket on Jazeera Airways, 7 car washes at Dabboos, a week's worth of shopping at Sultan Center, a basic no-frills cellphone, a bed (or a couch) from IKEA, and the list goes on..

Or you could spend 15 KD on a cable.

Friday, February 15, 2008

A Side Note...


The Hala Febrayir celebrations started in Salmiya today with a pathetic parade and the usual group of Neanderthals spraying people with that godawful foam.

The best part is, I got sworn at by a "munaqaba" (ninja, munaqqababe) because I beeped her as she was blocking me in the parking lot.

I'm not sure whether I should be amused or disturbed...

"The Cradle of Idiocy in the Gulf"



The epitome of culture and sophistication within a society.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Sorcerers and the "shaky car patrol"


'Sorceress' caught: Customs officials at Abdaly have arrested an Arab expatriate woman married to a Kuwaiti with items in her possession suspected to be used for magic and sorcery.
It was reported that the Customs officials suspected the woman when she was about to cross over to Kuwait and conducted a through search of her luggage. They found the aforementioned items in addition to drugs pills, which she claimed, were for her Kuwaiti husband.
The woman and the items were referred to the concerned authorities.

Did she have like a magic wand or something?

Drunkard held: The Northern Highway Patrol Team has arrested a Kuwaiti for consumption and possession of alcoholic beverages in Mutla'a area.
After noticing the shaky movements of a car while on routine duty, security sources said the team asked the driver to pull over. The team noticed the driver was intoxicated and found an undisclosed quantity of locally-brewed alcohol inside the car. The suspect and the contraband were referred to the concerned authorities.

In other news...

Semi-nude woman caught drinking: Patrolmen on routine duty along King Fahd Expressway recently arrested a 31-year-old Arab woman for consuming alcohol.
After noticing the unusual movement of a vehicle on the road, the patrolmen flagged the vehicle down and discovered the woman was drinking a glass of wine. Sources said the woman was clad in indecent clothes and she was referred to the concerned authorities for interrogation.

Hypocrisy 101


Islamist MPs look to ban Valentine’s Day

KUWAIT (Agencies): A group of conservative Kuwaiti lawmakers who control a sizable bloc in the parliament are looking to amend the country’s legislation to prevent any commemoration of Valentine’s Day, parliamentarians said Wednesday. The Islamists believe such imported holidays are corrupting young Muslims and stripping this country of its Arab and Muslim identity. “We are now studying the necessary amendments that would ban celebrations contradicting Sharia (Islamic Law),” said parliamentarian Jamaan Al-Harbish, part of panel examining “alien phenomena” being embraced by Kuwaitis. Despite its Western origins, Valentine’s Day appears to have been embraced by Kuwaitis and red balloons can be found all over restaurants, flower shops and stores selling chocolates. Newspapers are filled with advertisements for jewelry and cakes in the shape of hearts.


“It is the responsibility of the state to stop such activities,” said lawmaker Walid Al-Tabtabaei, who chaired the meeting which was also attended by the representatives from the ministries of interior and trade. “They are aimed at making profit and destroying Kuwaiti society.” The bearded lawmaker said that the popular holiday encouraged illicit relationships between men and women and involves a culture of “kisses and unacceptable behavior.” Islamists are politically powerful in Kuwait and have passed laws segregating men and women in university classes and have imposed restrictions on public entertainment such as music concerts. Meanwhile, in Saudi Arabia, the feared religious police warned the kingdom’s residents Wednesday against marking the “atheist” occasion. The muttawa, as the police is called, issued its annual injunction against Valentine’s Day, saying Muslims should not congratulate each other on the occasion, nor eat, drink, sell or buy anything that relates to it.

“The (muttawa) will take all legal measures to preserve the (Muslim) ideology,” said a statement issued by the religious police. “The (muttawa) have orders to confiscate gifts and objects relating to this feast, and they have the power to take action against those selling them.” The statement did not spell out the measures the police will take against offenders, but each year, muttawa mobilize a few days before Feb 14, making rounds of gift and flower shops, confiscating all red and white items, including flowers. Aware of the ban, Saudis do their Valentine’s shopping weeks before the holiday. “We have not been selling red roses for a week and we will not bring in any until Valentine’s Day is over,” said Alan, a Filipino working at a flower shop in the Saudi capital, Riyadh.

He said a member of the religious police, visited the shop a week ago and ordered the florists not to display any red roses in the runup to Feb 14. At a gift shop in the city, a salesman said the Muttawa had told him to remove from the shelves any red-colour gifts symbolising the feast of love. “We also removed red gift boxes so as not to expose ourselves to punishment, which could be to close the shop and arrest staff,” said Mohammad Hassanein al-Hawari. “I don’t know why Islamists want to ban celebrations of Valentine’s Day... I don’t think marking Valentine’s Day violates Islamic teachings,” middle-aged Kuwaiti employee Mahmoud Ahmad told AFP as he chose a gift for his wife.

Hmmm.. "stripping the country of its Arab and Muslim identity"..

Of course, having the largest Burger King in the Middle East, driving American cars, and having two Starbucks across the street from each other are all clear indicators of the country's "Arab and Muslim identity" and not "alien phenomena". Why doesn't anyone ban them? Oh right, because they make money.


http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12280&ccid=9

Idiots on the road..



So these assholes film themselves while they're driving like morons? The "ASD" must stand for Assholic Sick Degenerates..

Well, at least the music is good. Wait, no it isn't. It's pretty gay.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Sergeant Sodomized, Kuwaiti sues gameshow..


Its pretty funny that the Arab times have added a "Kuwait Crime" section to their website...

Sergeant sodomized
: Police have arrested two persons for committing an indecent act inside their car which was parked in an open area behind a shopping mall in Jahra, reports Al-Rai daily.
A police source said an Arab youth was caught red-handed sodomizing a 48-year-old Kuwaiti sergeant working for the Ministry of Defence.

Kuwaiti loses case against MBC’s Qerdahi KUWAIT : The Civil Court of First Instance Tuesday dismissed a case filed by well-known Kuwaiti media man, Faisal Al-Duwaisan, against MBC producer George Qerdahi.
In his case papers Al-Duwaisan has requested the court to order Qerdahi to pay him KD 5,001 in temporary compensation for spoiling his chance to take part in the program ‘Who wins the million dollars’.
After the verdict was issued attorney Nawaf Sari who defends Qerdahi told the Arab Times the case has no legal basis. He added the plaintiff has failed to prove the basis on which the case is filed.
“If there is no evidence to prove your claim, your case is as good as it has not been filed,” said Sari. He added he had proved this point before the court while presenting his defense.
According to his lawsuit, Duwaisan claims he answered the question faster than another viewer but Qerdahi thought otherwise. He added his answer was right and accurate while the other viewer’s answer was wrong.

There's nowhere else in the world where someone would sue a game show! Kuwaitis, huh? :)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Drunken Teasing..


Drunkard ‘teases’ ex-wife
Kuwait : Police arrested a Kuwaiti man for consuming alcohol, reports Al-Rai daily.
Reportedly, the man was so high on alcohol that when he spotted his ex-wife walking along a street in Khaitan, he approached her and emptied an alcohol bottle on her head. The drunkard was referred to authorities.

Where is the teasing, exactly?

Lovers fight over girl
Kuwait : Two youths had to be rushed to a hospital following a nasty fight between them at a well-known shopping complex in Salmiya, reports Awan daily.
Reportedly, their girlfriend was the main cause of the fight. Each of them believed that he was the sole lover of the girl but on discovering the unpleasant truth, they released their frustration on each other.

Drug overdose kills Kuwaiti: A 40-year-old Kuwaiti man, identified as M.R, died after consuming an overdose of drugs in Rabya, reports Al-Anba daily.
Reportedly, his compatriot friend was with him at the time of the incident.
A security source said a Kuwaiti youth called police saying his father called him to assist in dumping the dead body of the victim. The youth, however, refused and called police instead.
Police rushed to the place and found the body of the victim in the boot of the father’s car. The father has been referred to authorities for interrogation.

Police imposters kidnap 3 Asian women, dump 1 knowing Arabic

KUWAIT : Police are looking for three unidentified persons for impersonating police and kidnapping three Asian women, reports Al-Rai daily.
According to a security source, police rushed to Kabad when an unidentified person reported seeing an Asian woman on a road. Her condition was pathetic.
The police took the woman to a police station and during interrogation she informed police that she and two other women were kidnapped by ‘policemen’ who took them to an apartment in Hawalli.
However, when the men discovered that she understood Arabic and spoke in a Kuwaiti dialect, they drove her to Kabad and left her there.
Police are looking for the kidnappers and the two other women.

In other news, the journalists at the Kuwait Times and Arab Times newspapers in Kuwait were thrown into a massive pit in Salmiya and burned alive for their utter stupidity. Both newspapers refused to comment on this report...

:)

Cinescape Extravaganza


Dear Readers,

It's time, once again, to visit the website of our dear friends at Cinescape and try to figure out what intoxicating narcotic they have taken in order to write their movie synopseees..

By the way, I've decided not to format this note as there are too many things to make fun of!

Aljazzera -Arabic

The movie story happens in one of the Egyptian villages where we meet the young man (Mansour) when he inherit form his father the power and the money, also drugs growing and trafficking in an island
full of his snipers. One day he falls in love with Kareemah. His life is not always the same and every day has a different story.

Code 36

A young lady Norhan works as an aerobics instructor, but one day a group of terrorist put mark on her to kill her for unclear and unknown reasons. The Egyptian official decided to have one of the special forces men to be as her personal bodyguard so they gave the task to (Shareef). Norhan faces many deadly incidents and Shareef where there to safe her and protect her, during that the love sparks between them.

Heya Fawdha

Hatem is police officer and handles this neighborhood with an iron hand. Every single one fears and hates him. Only Nour, a young woman, dares stand up to him. But Nour is secretly in love with Cherif, brilliant and uncorrupted deputy public prosecutor. Hatem comes between. He wants Nour for himself. He turns her life into a nightmare.

Welcome -Hindi

Uday, Majnu and Sikander are mobsters, and they are keen to get their sister Sanjana married into a respectable family. Uday, upon a chance meeting with a handsome bachelor, Rajiv, is convinced that he would be a perfect. However, Rajivs uncle, Dr. Ghunghroo does not approve of his nephews association with a dubious family. Sanjana, unaware of her brothers contrivances, meets Rajiv on a cruise and the two fall in love. She has the acceptance of Dr. Ghunghroo, who doesnt realize that she is the sister of the Mafia.

Don't believe me? See for yourself:

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

Seeing red on roses?


Seeing red on roses … Group warns on Valentine’s Day

KUWAIT : Thawabet Al Umma, an Islamic group, has condemned the celebration of Valentine’s Day and warned the media against misguiding Muslims by “glorifying such pagan practices.” The media is playing an important role in popularizing such celebrations and leading Islamic nations on the path of disbelief, the group added. “Such traditions are imported from the West, and people blindly follow them without looking into the good and bad aspects. Participating in such celebrations will tarnish the image of Islam.” In its statement, the group also mentioned that the Valentine’s Day is actually the commemoration of a Christian saint, which makes it a Christian festival, “and has red as its theme color.” This Western tradition has spread to many Muslim countries backed by the media including TV and radio, influencing people’s minds to accept it as normal, the group said. “Valentine’s Day corrupts and misguides the youths. The information ministers of all Muslim countries have the responsibility to ensure that this culture does not take root in their countries, as it can lead societies back to the pre-Islamic days of ignorance,” the group added.

As opposed to the post-Islamic days of wisdom in breast-feeding co-workers?

Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia’s religious police have banned red roses ahead of Valentine’s Day, forcing couples in the conservative Muslim nation to think of new ways to show their love.
The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice has ordered florists and gift shop owners in the capital Riyadh to remove any items coloured scarlet, which is widely seen as symbolising love, newspapers said. (So scarlet is bad, but regular red is ok?)
“They visited us last night,” the Saudi Gazette quoted an unidentified florist as saying.
It is not unusual for the Saudi vice squad to clamp down ahead of Valentine’s Day, which it sees as encouraging relations between men and women outside of wedlock, the newspaper said.
Saudi Arabia imposes an austere form of Sunni Islam which prevents unrelated men and women from mixing, bans women from driving and demands that women wear a headscarf and a cloak.
Relations outside marriage are strictly banned and punishable by law.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12163&ccid=9