Monday, March 31, 2008

Al Sabahiya Block 2 Presents..



Love the titles. Love the cameo by the barber shop. Love the music.

Fucking Idiots.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Cinescape Strikes Again..


Dear Readers,

By now I'm sure you're used to the idiocies that come out of our friends at Cinescape. But the verbal insanity has reached a new level, as we can see from the latest offerings on their "Now Showing" page. It gives me no pleasure whatsoever to present the following:


45 Days The movie story revolves around Ahmad when one day he finds himself getting accused of his parents murder then he sent for psychiatric evaluation in a psychotic hospital for 45 days. While he was in the hospital the real story gets unveil when the real killer is the father when he suspected his wife in a relation with some one, so Ahmad said he is the killer to protect his mother image in front of his sister. The truth saves Ahmad from getting executed.

Asides from having the longest sentence in history, this synopsis makes absolutely no sense. Also, it seems that they have given the movie's ending away. I don't get it, do they want people to come and see the film or not?

Ayazon The movie story revolves around a businessman who searches for his daughter which he missed to be part of her life because of the business that he is handling. Can he catch up with all those missing years and be part of her life again?

Absolutely no comment. None.

Race -Hindi Ranvir and Rajiv are half brothers who own a huge stud farm in South Africa. Sophia is Ranvirs personal secretary. She loves her boss and Ranvir is totally unaware of her feeling. Shaina is an upcoming Indian model. Shaina loves Ranvir but through a twist of fate gets married to his brother Rajiv. In a weak moment Ranvir and Shaina come very close to each other , but when Rajiv starts suspecting his wife, all things break loose. A murder is committed, a contract killing is issued.

What the fuck?

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

Thursday, March 27, 2008

TOEFL Courses needed for Arab Times Staff.


By far the dumbest and worst written article I have ever read in the Arab Times.
You be the judge:

Salmiya crimes taking on ‘Jleeb’ pattern: residents

KUWAIT CITY: Residents of Salmiya say the crime pattern in the area and Jleeb Al-Shyoukh is getting increasingly similar as criminals have now begun stealing cars amidst bag snatching incidents. Incidents of such nature were often reported in Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh in the recent times.
Last week, two car thefts were reported in Block 10, while a bag snatching case was reported near the Salmiya garden which is reportedly the meeting point of criminals even as some residents recalled seeing suspicious-looking elements loitering in the precinct of the garden.

Though no new cases have been reported since last Friday, when police swung into action and stepped up surveillance in the area, residents say they are skeptical that normalcy will return to the area anytime soon. Most of the thefts and bag snatching incidents have taken place in Block 10.
Residents said police patrols were seen cruising the streets of Salmiya on Friday and Saturday and were questioning people who were moving suspiciously in the area.

Last Wednesday, a Sri Lankan lady’s bag was snatched away by two Arab men, who came in a car. The lady was emerging out of a store after doing some purchases when a man occupying the passenger seat of the car stepped out and grabbed the bag and jumped into the moving car.
The source added that the lady tried to chase the criminals but lost her balance and fell to the ground. With this incident, the total number of bag snatching cases has risen to three. In the earlier cases both victims were Indians.

No breakthrough was achieved in both cases at the time going to the press. Residents are of the view that most cases go unreported as victims do not want to get involved in the lengthy process of investigation and lack of Arabic knowledge is believed to be another factor.
In another incident, a car of an Indian was stolen last Wednesday after he parked it on an open ground in Block 10, a source said.

A SUV belonging to another Indian was also stolen after the owner had parked it opposite his building. It may be recalled that car thefts were rampant in Jleeb Al-Shyoukh in the past two years with criminals often stealing the parts of the cars and abandoning them in deserted areas.
In an effort to counter the phenomenon, a large number of car owners had installed anti-theft alarms in their vehicles, and this practice seemingly helped to curb the problem.

By Francis A. Clifford Cardozo (AKA DUMBASS)
Arab Times Staff (AKA DUMBASSES)

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/client/pagesdetails.asp?nid=14430&ccid=9


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Weekly Ten


Top 10 Ways to Meet Girls in Kuwait.

10 – MySpace.

To impress a girl on MySpace, you must come up with a kick ass nickname. Q8istud, q8lover, myheart4you, are all great examples. Write in really bad English, and use literal translations of Arabic poetry. Then wait for a reply. But don't hold your breath.

9 – Shopping Malls.

Make sure you frequent shopping malls, especially the food court sections. When you see a girl you like, follow her around and whistle. Make sure you hold your male friend's hand while you do this.

8 – Leave a note on her car.

Leaving a note on a girl's car is another excellent way to try and win her heart. Make sure you leave your name (or your MySpace nickname), e-mail address, and phone number. Also write something romantic, like "your face nice".

7 – Work out.

Join a low-key gym, and make sure you go at least once a day. Buy expired horse steroids, and watch your biceps grow! Girls like guys with hooves.

6 – Show off.

Park your car in the street outside the outdoor section of a coffee shop. Make sure you play your music really loud. Lean against the car and smoke a cigarette. Then wait for them to come running.

5 – Dial Random Phone Numbers.

Dial random phone numbers on your phone. If you manage to get ahold of a girl, sweet talk her. If she hangs up, call back every day.

4 – Buy a Motorbike.

Buy a Motorbike and drive at break-neck speeds on the Gulf Road. Make sure you wear a loose fitting T-shirt, so the wind reveals your beautifully hairy back. Do not wear a helmet, as that way she won't be able to see your face. If you do choose to wear a helmet, make sure you apply a "No Fear" sticker on it. Chicks dig those.

3 – Follow her home.

Nothing turns a girl on more than the prospect of having a guy following her home. While the reasons for this are not known, many scientists have speculated that it could be the rush of adrenaline the girl will get from fear of being molested.

2 – Facebook.

Browse the Kuwait network on Facebook. Message girls who you think are pretty, asking them to add you. If they don't, then ask them to marry you.

1 – Bluetooth.

Switch your Bluetooth on as soon as you leave the house. Make sure your nickname is appealing (a7ebbech and kuwaitsexyman are good examples). Once you find a girl, send her pornography.

Monday, March 24, 2008

What have I missed!!


Dear Readers,

As you know, I've been out of the country for a couple of days. It seems the staff at the Arab times were saving their best (or worst, depending on which way you look at it) news for when they knew I couldn't blog!

Below are the things both you and I have missed. Try to restrain yourself:

Egyptian Boy ‘humiliated’: An 18-year-old Egyptian boy filed a complaint at Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh Police Station accusing a Customs inspector at the Kuwait International Airport of humiliating him and slapping him several times, reports Al-Watan daily. The complainant said he was shocked when the inspector took him to a special room and asked him to take off all his clothes for inspection. When the youth refused to oblige, the inspector allegedly started slapping him.

‘Rowdy’ woman
: A Kuwaiti man filed a complaint against an elderly woman accusing her of breaking the window panes of his vehicle, reports Arrouiah daily. Allegedly, when the woman was summoned by police, she started verbally abusing policemen.
A case has been registered against her for damaging the Kuwaiti man’s car and for insulting police.

Faithful shocked
: A number of Western Christians, who attended Good Friday mass in churches in Sharq, were shocked to find traffic citations on the windscreen of their cars, reports Al-Seyassah daily. The citations were signed by a policeman named Abdulaziz. The daily regretted that the policeman did not take the holy occasion into consideration.

Love the writing. Just love it.

Send me home!: An unidentified hysterical man broke into the Egyptian embassy and pleaded officials to help him leave the country, reports Al-Watan daily. The knife wielding man threatened to kill himself and anyone who approached him. Police rushed to the place, managed to calm him and took him to the psychiatric hospital in presence of an embassy employee.

I guess Kuwait does get the best of us sometimes..


Ex-wife accused:
A Kuwaiti man filed a complaint against his ex-wife accusing her of negligence in looking after their two-year-old daughter, reports Al-Watan daily. Reportedly, the girl suffered second-degree burns when hot water fell on her.

So the water just fell on her? From nowhere?


Classmate raped
: Police are looking for two teenagers who allegedly kidnapped and raped their Kuwaiti classmate in Sabah Al-Salem area, reports Al-Seyassah daily. The duo allegedly bundled their friend into a vehicle, drove to a desert area and raped him.


Client, pimp held
: Acting on information and armed with a search and arrest warrant, securitymen raided a number of vice dens in Farwaniya and arrested 15 Asian prostitutes, a pimp and a client and referred them to authorities, reports Al-Qabas daily.

This country confuses me.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Do they know they're idiots?


Dear readers,

I am blogging from the airport at the moment, where for some strange reason I can write posts, but I can't actually view my blog. In fact, the Zajil connection is so temperamental that MSN won't connect, nor will it open gmail, or hotmail, or anything. But, surprise surprise, 2:48 a.m. works. What kind of Nazi bullshit is this?

Also, Smartlink can kiss my ass.

Anyway, I have a plane to catch. Don't miss me too much. And I bet you all the money in the world there will still be idiots to blog about by the time I get back!

Yep. We've all been there.

Earlier this evening:




3 to 6 hours later:


Drunk Asian man found nude
: Police have arrested an Asian man for consuming alcohol, reports Al-Watan daily. According to a security source the man was semi-naked lying next to a garbage container in Mangaf. Two Kuwaiti women who were passing by thought the man was dead and informed the police. However, some passersby and friends helped the drunkard to wear a pair of trousers before police arrived. According to a security source the man was so high on alcohol he did not know what he was doing.

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Headlines


Oh Lord. The headlines. Please, someone say something. PLEASE!

Filipina back from the dead: A Filipino woman who was injured in a road accident on the Arabian Gulf Street has been admitted to a hospital, reports Arrouiah daily. The victim who works for a well-known hotel was on her way to a bus stop when a speeding Pakistani motorist hit her. It has been reported the victim’s heart stopped pumping and paramedics revived her with an electrical shock. The motorist has been referred to a police station.

What a morbid fucking headline.

UK, Kuwaiti families in sky-high brawl: The Kuwait International Airport police have referred two families - a British and a Kuwaiti - to the concerned authorities for fighting aboard a flight coming from London, reports Arrouiah daily. The daily did not give more details.

After such a sensational title (you know I love a good expat vs. kuwaiti gossip), the "daily did not give more details"? Seriously? Fuck the daily!


Daggers drawn over girl: A police lance corporal has filed a complaint with the Sabah Al-Salem Police Station accusing three men —including a first sergeant — of assaulting him, reports Al-Rai daily. According to the complainant the first sergeant pulled out a butcher’s knife and threatened to kill him. He added, some passersby intervened and saved the man’s life. The complainant said the incident took place when the first sergeant was harassing an unidentified Arab girl. When a Bedoun youth intervened the suspect took him to a police station and was beaten up. When the police officer on duty learned the truth he warned the first sergeant told him not to repeat the offence. The suspect thought it was the lance corporal who complained about him to the superior and picked up on him.

There are no daggers in this story. None at all.

Speaking of Jahra..



Love the music.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Cross dressers & Gang wars: Jahra revamped


You'd think the following reports would come out of, say, South Central LA...

Cross-dresser held: Jahra securitymen have arrested an unidentified non-Kuwaiti young man for cross dressing inside a famous commercial complex in Jahra. Security sources said police stopped the youth after noticing he was a man dressed like a woman. The youth tried to evade arrest but police overpowered him and referred him to the concerned authorities.

4 Suffer Knife wounds in Qasr gang war: A fight erupted between two groups of youths in Al-Qasr recently resulting in injuries to four of them. Immediately after receiving a call about the fight, police rushed to the location and referred the injured to Jahra Hospital. Security sources said the youths attacked each other with knives. Some of the youths managed to evade arrest while those who were apprehended were referred to the concerned authorities. A case was registered at Jahra Police Station and investigations are ongoing to determine the circumstances leading to the scuffle.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

"Marginal Labor"


The picture really says it all.

8 held for immoral acts in Khaitan: The Farwaniya security personnel recently raided three apartments in Khaitan and arrested eight Asians for committing immoral acts. A reliable source told the Arab Times the arrests came following an ongoing campaign by the security agencies from the Farwaniya governorate to rid the area of what the authorities call ‘marginal’ laborers.
The same source said the arrested persons have confessed to committing immoral crimes.

Although, I have to say that the guy in the back looks like he just happened to be wandering the corridors and found a good photo op...!

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/pagesdetails.asp?nid=13776&ccid=22

Filipino assaulted over 100 fils coin by Indians and Bangladeshis: Police arrested nine Asians, including Indians and Bangladeshis, for allegedly assaulting a Filipino man in Sharq area, reports Al-Anba daily. Reportedly, the Filipino wanted to buy a bottle of water and gave a very damaged 100 fils coin to the Asians. When the Asians refused to accept the coin, the Filipino allegedly insisted on buying the water bottle with the same coin. Soon the disagreement developed into a major fight and the Filipino was at the receiving end of the blows. Police rushed to the scene, rescued the Filipino and arrested the Asians.

How the hell do you "badly damage" a 100 fils coin? Unless you're like David Blaine or something.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/pagesdetails.asp?nid=13778&ccid=22


Friday, March 14, 2008

Are you kidding me?


Here's a quick synopsis from Cinescape. Let me know if you can make any sense of it.

Sunday -Hindi Sehars world turns up side down when she has noe clue about the missing Sunday of her life, which points to a possible violent attack on her. A.C.P Rajveer takes up the case to sort out the complicated and jumbled up threads of Sehars life. In the process of solving Sehars case it comes to light that on Sunday, different people interacted with her and amongst them, one could be the accused. While trying to solve the puzzle, Rajveer stumbles upon a murder case whose clues hold up Sehar to be the culprit. But she cannot remember anything.

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Weekly Ten


Dear Readers,

Seeing as my ego has been stroked over 930 times since I've started this blog (even though my F5 button is probably responsible for at least 200 "strokes" - pun intended), I've decided to start a weekly top 10 list entitled, you guessed it, "The Weekly Ten". Asides from the obvious, the purpose of these lists will be to, um, I don't know. I guess they have no purpose.

Anyway, here's numero uno:

Top 10 Things to do on a weekend in Kuwait

10 – Watch TV

Mankind's favorite pastime, the television has provided us with hours and hours of mind-numbing entertainment.

9 – "Gizzing".

Kuwait's favorite pastime, "Gizzing" involves driving up and down Gulf Road with your windows down, playing the latest in cab driver music/rap at full volume. Harassment of girls in neighboring vehicles optional.

8 – Watch a DVD.

While this is technically the same as watching TV, it still involves the exciting prospect of visiting one of the countless pirated DVD stores the country has to offer. Also involves the prospect of returning the DVDs to the countless pirated DVD stores the country has to offer, because the disc won't work/there are no subtitles/it is not the film you wanted/you keep seeing silhouettes of people walking across the screen and you wonder if it is part of the storyline.

7 – Go out to eat.

It's fair to say that restaurants are one of the better aspects of life in Kuwait. You can find culinary delights from all over the world. I should hope so.

6 – Stay in to eat.

Get this: we don't only have really good food here. The best part is, you can eat it all in the comfort of your own home, without moving a muscle! Well, you might have to move 3 or 4 while you're dialing the home delivery number. But rest assured, these are calories you can reimburse momentarily.

5 – Go Shopping.

Souk Sharq, Marina Mall, The Avenues, and Al Kout Mall are all great destinations for some quality shopping.

4 – Walk around Malls without actually doing ANY shopping.

Souk Sharq, Marina Mall, The Avenues, and Al Kout Mall are all great destinations for some quality walking around without any purpose. Before you go, you might want to pay a visit to your barber/hairdresser and instruct them to give you the worst possible hair style. Apply obscene amounts of make-up (if you are female). Holding hands with members of the same sex/harassing girls optional.

3 – Poke people on Facebook.

..and hope against all hope that "Angel Kuwait" really does look exactly like Cameron Diaz on the red carpet of the 2003 Academy Awards. And that she pokes you back.

2 – Go Bowling.

The bowling alleys in Kuwait provide some quality entertainment. If you go on a regular basis, you might actually get pretty good. Then you might end up wearing one of those wrist guard things. And then wonder how your life ended up this way.

1 – Travel.

Enough said.


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Don't they deserve to die?



I don't know if it's small penis syndrome, a lack of things to do, or sexual frustration, but what is it that makes these guys want to drive like total morons on the road?

I don't mean to sound like a bore, but its true - they endanger their own lives and the lives of other drivers, all under the auspices of the police. And they go and make videos and post their idiocy on YouTube!

I mean, you get moron drivers all around the world. And I've driven in the UK, Jordan, and other places. But I haven't seen anything even close to the insanity I see here.

What is wrong with this country?

"Enjoying" the stuff


Indian steals telephone line: Police have arrested an Indian man for stealing a telephone line of a Kuwaiti subscriber and connecting it to a sophisticated device to make international calls, reports Al-Watan daily.
The suspect was arrested in the vicinity of a residential complex housing divorced women and widows in a suburb of Sabah Al-Salem.

They have complexes exclusively for divorced women and widows??
Asian female escapes rape: Police have arrested two Asians for attempting to break into an apartment of a female compatriot neighbor with the intention to rape her, reports Arrouiah daily.
When the woman felt the men were trying to creep into her apartment she called the Operations Department of the Ministry of Interior. The department dispatched a police patrol and caught the men.
At the time of the arrest the men were high on alcohol. During interrogation they told police about the plan to rape the woman.

You don't get "high" on Alcohol. You become a stumbling, mumbling, clumsy bastard. High people are mellow.. and probably can't even find their dicks let alone think about raping someone. And besides, what kind of morons would tell the police that they planned to rape someone?

And finally...

Kuwaitis held red handed taking drugs near a restaurant at the airport : Airport securitymen arrested two citizens who were caught red-handed taking drugs near a restaurant at the airport.
The securitymen reportedly became suspicious of their movements and began to observe them from a distance and rushed to get hold of them as soon they began to 'enjoy' the stuff.

So, if they hadn't "enjoyed" the stuff, would they have been caught? Are drugs only illegal in Kuwait ONLY if you "enjoy" them? I want to pull my hair out.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

I couldn't resist.


Our buddies at Cinescape have really outdone themselves this time. Check out the latest synopsis from their "Coming soon" section...

Al Shabah (Arabic) The movie’s story revolves around a young man, who suffers from amnesia, works hard to know the real him and to know more details about his past life, but he faces many problems which leads to cause him in homicide and the police is looking for him. Now, he tries to find the real killer with the help of his friend, but he comes to know there are many people support the real killer and protect him, and in the other hand there are people against the real killer. In all of this, this young man falls in love with a young lady and she stands by him till he proof he is innocent.

Roudram (Malayalam) Narendran is a daring Police Officer, who has always been keen on doing his duty, but is forced to make compromises due to all kinds of pressures. The enthusiasm that he had when he donned Khakhi for the first time gradually gets eroded and he is often reminded that as a Police Officer, there were a lot of limitations. Narendran is put in charge of a murder case. The usual pressures are there, but somehow he finds it in him to work against these pressures and do his duty the way he thinks is right.


Saturday, March 1, 2008

I am your husband!


Dear Peeps..

I am back after a well-deserved leave of absence during the awful excuse for a celebration (often referred to as National & Liberation Day)..

In any case, I checked the Arab Times website the minute I arrived and was pleased to find that this blog is far from ever becoming redundant.. and here is why:

Expat given electric shock: Two thieves gave an electric shock to an Arab expatriate and escaped with his wallet and car in Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh area.
Reportedly, the victim was taken by surprise when unidentified men approached him and asked him to hand over his car and wallet. When the man refused, the thieves allegedly gave him an electric shock using an electric device and escaped with the car and the victim’s wallet.
The man, after coming to his senses, filed a complaint at a police station and said he had KD 150 in his wallet.

An Arab man forced to sign promissory note: Kuwait : An Arab man has filed a complaint with the South Jahra Police Station accusing his sponsor of forcing him to sign on a blank promissory note after threatening to ‘blow’ his head with a revolver, reports Al-Rai daily.
The sponsor will be summoned for interrogation.
"Blow" his head with a revolver. I'm not sure the guy understood exactly what he was in for..

Police arrest 2 transvestites: Kuwait : Police have arrested two transvestites and four unidentified young men. They were caught inside a tent in Bneider, reports Al-Wasat daily.
The daily said the Operations Department of the Ministry of Interior acting on information from some campers in the area dispatched police to the area and arrested the suspects.
It has been reported when a police party raided the tent the suspects were giggling and having fun.
They have been referred to the concerned authorities.

And Finally...

I am your husband! Kuwait : Police are looking for an unidentified person for molesting a Kuwaiti woman inside a camp in Mina Abdullah, reports Al-Anba daily.
A police source said the woman was sleeping inside a tent and she screamed for help when she found a stranger sleeping next to her.
When the woman screamed for help the man reportedly tried to calm her down by saying he was her husband.
The intruder escaped on foot before help arrived. However, according to a police source the intruder is a friend of the woman's husband.

God help us all.