The Weekly Ten

Dear Readers,

Sorry I haven't been updating the blog much recently - I've been busy engaging in drunken debauchery in Dubai. The worst part is, I missed the sorry excuse for a hurricane that we had a few days ago. Ho hum. Anyway, here's this week's ten:

Top 10 Excuses to give your boss if you are late for work

10 – "I was up all night puking – I had some bad take out".

Good for use at least once a month. Make sure you don't use it too often though, as you might tempt fate and actually get food poisoning.

9 – "My alarm didn't ring"

Use only once in your lifetime, if you are desperate. Using it more than once will result in your boss waking you up with a phone call every morning. Not good.

8 – "I thought it was the weekend"

Also only good for use once. You can't think it is the weekend everyday. Otherwise you would be a moron.

7 – "I was stuck in traffic"

A good excuse to use regularly, although if everyone else is in the office on time, then it will start to wear thin after the 5th time.

6 – "I had to go to the doctor"

Also good to use. But eventually you are going to have to claim on your medical insurance, and HR might do some checking on you. Use with caution.

5 – "My kid was sick"

Only use if you actually have children. And don't use it often, unless the baby is a toddler, in which case you have free reign to use it as many times as possible.

4 – "I had a meeting"

Only use if you can enlist your secretary as an accomplice to back the story up with your boss. The only problem is, your boss could end up calling the client. Use with caution.

3 – "I had a flat tire"

A good excuse to use, but not very often. Otherwise your boss will keep giving you crap about your piece of shit car. Don’t use this excuse if you are driving a company car. For obvious reasons.

2 – "I had a car accident"

Don't use this excuse unless you are willing to drive your car into a wall to prove you actually had an accident. Don't drive your car into the wall if you are driving a company car.

1 – "Family Emergency"

The best excuse of them all. The vaguer the better. That way you don't have to really lie. Sleep can be classed as an emergency, and of course, you are your own family.