"Arab Times Sans Brains"

I really think that they realize how dumb they are, which is why they try to come up with creative titles. It's a shame the titles make them look even dumber:

‘Raid sans warrant’: Three Kuwaiti women filed a complaint at Kaifan Police Station accusing securitymen of raiding their house without a warrant, reports Al-Seyassah daily.
Allegedly, securitymen were searching for the husband of one of the women who is wanted for a crime. The women said securitymen raided the house after midnight without possessing a search and arrest warrant.

And, seriously, what the fuck is this all about?

Missile found in desert: Explosives experts from the Military Engineering Department successfully detonated a missile found recently on a road in Abdaly. According to security sources, Jahra Security Directorate received information about a strange object in the desert, about five kilometers from the main road. Securitymen rushed to the location and found the object was a missile so they called the explosives experts, who safely detonated the missile.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/innerpages.asp?cid=22

The Return of Cinescape

Dear Readers,

You'd think they'd have hired decent writers by now. And by decent, I mean not monkeys.

Mafesh Gher Keda "Nahed" (Nabila Ebeid) as the Greedy Mother fight over "Dina" (Arwa) the innocent talent who falls in love with "Nader" (Khaled Abol Naga) as a Music Talent Hunter & Famous icon/Director & shatters her Family apart when she becomes a big success.

"Morons".

One Two Three -Hindi Diamonds worth Rs.100 million are stolen from a dangerous don, Papa and the precious stones accidentally fall in the hands of Chandu and Chandni, who quickly hide them in a car. Papa and his idiotic henchmen Albert and Pinto are desperately hunting for the diamonds while hot-headed police officer Mayavati Chautala wants to nab criminals.

I really don't think its the henchmen who are idiotic.

You make us proud, boys.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Microscopic Penis Syndrome.

It's all in the mix.

Dear Readers,

Today I have some of the strangest, worst written, and most disturbing stories in quite a while. Enjoy!

Arab Doctor ‘bites’ waiting patient
Kuwait : A Kuwaiti man, whose identity has not been given, has filed a complaint with the police accusing an Arab doctor working at the Al-Qasr Polyclinic of biting his left arm over an argument, reports Al-Rai daily. In his complaint to the police the victim said he was annoyed when the doctor kept talking on his cell phone and showed disregard to the patients who have been waiting for a long time. The complainant has submitted a medical report showing traces of the bite on his arm.

He fucking bit the guy? What the fuck? Why would he bite him? A punch, a kick, even a slap would have sufficed. But a bite?

Cabbie molests Arab woman: Police are looking for the driver of a roaming taxi for molesting an Arab woman in Sabah Al-Nasser, reports Al-Rai daily. The woman in her complaint told the police the man touched her private parts and said he does not want money but was glad to accept the fare of driving her home in kind.

Ok, so firstly. A "Roaming" taxi? As opposed to what, a stationary one? Secondly, what does "was glad to accept the fare of driving her home in kind" mean? What the fuck is the writer on about?

Iraqi ‘sorceress’ arrested: Customs officers at the Abdali border post have arrested an elderly Iraqi woman for attempting to bring into Kuwait sorcery tools. The tools were found hidden inside a specially made belt, reports Arrouiah daily. According to a security source the suspect looked confused when she approached the inspection desk. Moreover, the inspectors also saw her wearing a belt which did not go well with her dress.

Are customs officers now moonlighting as fashion police? And what the fuck are sorcery tools?

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitcrime/

The Weekly Ten

Ten Tips on Driving Etiquette in Kuwait.

1 – Do not drive in the far left lane of the highway. If you do choose to drive in this lane, you must travel at a minimum speed of 200 Km/h. The objective of driving in the far left lane is to leave as little room as possible between you and the car ahead. If they do not move to the adjacent lane, flash them with your high beam.

2 – Do not be fooled by the name or the sign: Dual use lanes (Designated to go straight and left) are for single use only, usually straight. Attempting to use the lane to go left will cause a hold-up in traffic.

3 – Drive by accidents as slowly as possible. Take into consideration the fact that the cars in the traffic jam behind you must also take time to stare.

4 – If there is a queue at the U-Turn ahead of you, be an upstanding citizen and drive past the queuing cars to create a second U-Turn lane. Make sure you give a signal.

5 – Maps of the locations of speed cameras are available online. These maps will also show you the locations of the cameras that do not function. Make sure you slow down as you approach a functioning camera, but continue driving like a maniac after you have passed it.

6 – Bonus points are given for creative accidents. Wrapping your car around a lamp post usually scores the highest. Your ruined car will usually be left on the side-walk for 5 – 10 days to give the judges a chance to see.

7 – Ignore people attempting to cross the road, especially at Zebra Crossings. Beep if they do not comply.

8 – Parking at yellow and black curbs is ok, as long as you leave your emergency flasher on.

9 - If you see a friend in a neighboring car, drive adjacent to them at 20 km/h, roll your windows down, and catch up on old times.

10 – If you see a pretty girl in a neighboring car, ask for her number. If she says no, follow her home.

Facebook Scares Me.

Dear Readers,

As you may or may not know, a couple of days ago I created a group for my blog on Facebook. I'll be honest - I wanted to get the word out and have more clicks, more visitors, all things that would ultimately bring me at least a couple of steps closer to my goal of ruling the world.

Joke.

Anyway. So I create the group, and invite my friends, and hit F5 every couple of hours (or minutes) to see how many new members join, how many people have been directed to the blog. Yes, I'm pretty sad. Then, all of a sudden, I see some girl (who claims to be Kuwaiti) without a profile picture has joined the group, and starts to curse at me in one wall post after another for apparently being "a jordanian-palestinian piece of shit" who is "ungrateful and doesn't deserve to live in Kuwait".

She went on and on. Meanwhile, I replied to her wall posting saying, respectfully, that she was entitled to her own opinion, but that there was no need for her to be rude. The blog is not meant to offend anyone - unless you work at the Arab Times or write for Cinescape, in which case my advice to you would be to take some English classes.

Seriously though, read through my blog, and you'll find that not once do I insult Kuwait, Kuwaiti culture, or anything of the sort. In fact, when the infamous Kuwait Times Article bashing Kuwait was published (albeit indirectly and under a supposedly honorable pretense), I wrote a letter to the Kuwait Times and defended the country.

Anyway, so I proceeded to kick her out of the group and ban her permanently. Little did I know, she'd created a topic on the Kuwait Network page (gasp!) bashing me, my group, and the blog. Of course, the rest of the network decided to join her in the cursing, mainly because they have no idea what the blog is about, least of all the fact that it DOES NOT OFFEND THIS COUNTRY.

So I click on her profile, and find that she only has one friend. Obviously, this led me to believe that this was a fake profile, probably someone I've pissed off in the past or something. So I report her to Facebook, and tell them about the blog, that it doesn't offend anyone, and that this person is cursing and bashing me for no good reason.

Within 10 minutes, her profile was deleted, as was the topic on the Network.

10 minutes.

Can you believe that?

The Quack Doctor

Dear Readers,

Funny ass shit:

Fake doctor held after 5 yrs: Acting on information and armed with a search and arrest warrant, securitymen raided an apartment in Hawalli and arrested a quack doctor, a Jordanian identified as A.H, reports Al-Qabas daily. Police confiscated an unspecified quantity of medicines and a forged certificate from the quack doctor and referred him to authorities. The Jordanian admitted that he was illegally practicing medicine for the last five years and even performed many operations.

Firstly, what the fuck is a "quack doctor"? Ok, I know what it means, but who uses that term anyway? Francis Clifford Cardozo, are you teasing me?
And how in God's name did he manage to "perform many operations"?

The ‘hysterical’ maid: Police rushed to Jahra after a GCC national called them saying his housemaid was behaving hysterically, threatening the family, knocking doors and causing disturbance, reports Al-Rai daily. Policemen took the maid to a police station where during interrogations she admitted that she was pretending to be suffering from psychological problems.

So she googled "psychological problems" and came up with "behaving hysterically, threatening the family, knocking doors and causing disturbance".

Beggar flees detention fear: In a funny incident, an elderly woman who was begging in front of the office of Minister of Social Affairs and Labor ran away on foot when an employee told her about the office, reports Al-Anba daily.

You stupid bitch.