Thursday, September 13, 2007

Forced out of hiding!


Dear All,

I have not written an Idiots in Kuwait/Idiots in The World note for quite some time now.. but our friends at KNCC (Cinescape) have forced me out of hiding. I just couldn't resist. Below are some of the movie synopsis (synopsees? synopii?) from their "Now Playing" page. No bullshit, all true:

Khyana Mashrouaa (Egyptian Film)

The story of the film depends on the idea that the vast majority of people destitute and the rich alike - unlike brains of persons living in the central region, where provision is the reality of the people and different levels of physical conflict between these patterns. The movie, a number of interlocking relationships and events vary between betrayal and revenge Poverty, unemployment, corruption and the results of each of these crises on his.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I'VE READ IT OVER AND OVER BUT I STILL CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE SENSE OF IT. PLEASE PEOPLE, HELP ME OUT HERE.

Omar Wa Salma (Egyptian Film)

It is love story about the naughty young man (omer) , who has many love incidents but always they are temporary because his desire for change , after that he meets (Salma) who changes his life and the events go on …

So wait. He is a naughty young man. He has many "love incidents". But "always they are temporary because his desire for change"?. What the fuck does that mean? Then he meets Salma, who happens to change his life. And the "events go on""?

Dhamaal (Hindi)

Dhamaal, as the name suggests, is a fun filled caper about four friends.......the final component of which is Mr. Scared of everything, Boman Contractor (Aashish Chowdhury), whose greatest fear is his father, Nari Contractor (Asrani).

Wait. Is their surname contractor?

http://www.cinescape.com.kw/nowshowing.php

Friday, June 8, 2007

Joke Kidnappings..


People are getting paranoid...

Mistaken for kidnap: A Kuwaiti woman recently called the Operations Department of the Interior Ministry when she saw an unidentified person forcing a girl into his vehicle, reports Al-Watan daily.
The woman thought the man was a kidnapper, however, when police rushed to the spot and forced the man to pull over, they discovered it was the girl’s father who was annoyed when he saw his daughter walking home alone because he was late to pick her up. He abruptly forced her into the car and the woman thought he was kidnapping the girl.

Kidnapping just as a ‘joke’: An unidentified Kuwaiti woman called the police when she saw two youths forcing an unidentified female teenager into their car, reports Al-Watan daily. However, when the police confronted the youths, they denied the kidnapping charge and said they were merely ‘joking’. The daily did not give more details.

So they can get away with attempted kidnap by saying they were "only joking"?


Cheating for a ‘free’ trip: The Ministry of Health plans to refer a transaction regarding said to have been submitted to the Overseas Medical Treatment Department to the Public Prosecution, reports Al-Qabas daily. According to a knowledgeable ministry source, the documents are forgeries. The forgery was easily discovered because the date mentioned in the transaction is March 6, 2007, while the Council of Ministers had taken a decision to suspend all transactions on Dec 19, 2006.

Horribly written...

9 times deported, returns: Police have arrested a Sri Lankan man, identified only as Ramzi, for entering the country on a forged passport, reports Al-Rai daily. Surprisingly during interrogation police discovered the man had earlier been deported from the country nine times for committing various kinds of crimes and each time he allegedly entered the country using a forged passport. Police have also arrested another Sri Lankan, identified only as Haroun, for entering the country on a forged passport. The two forgers have been referred to the authorities.

I mean, you'd think he'd get the hint..!

Kuwaiti jailed for breaking red light: The Traffic Court has sentenced a Kuwaiti man to one month imprisonment and confiscated his driving license for a similar period for crossing the red traffic light and speeding, reports Al-Watan daily. The daily did not give more details.

Clearly an effort to show us that Kuwaitis are not above the law. You hear that, Muna? LOL...

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Why I am an idiot in Kuwait.


1 - Because two months ago, i put out a cigarette on my nose by mistake.

2 - Because last week, my car ran out of gas and stopped in the middle of the street.

3 - Because this morning, i kept forgetting that there was something wrong with my coffee cup, so i spilt coffee on my t-shirt 4 times in a row.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Beyond Stupidity: My Reply.


Dear ****,

I am writing you in response to your article "What not to do in Kuwait", published on June 2nd.

I personally found this article to be EXTREMELY insulting, both to expatriates as well as locals. Your content has little factual basis, and your tone is extremely derogatory. I have read the article again and again, and i am astounded that the editorial staff at the Kuwait Times allowed you to publish it.
In summary, your article basically states that anything you do in Kuwait will either get you raped or deported. This is ludicrous!

Your "tips for survival", so to speak, paint expatriates as moronic individuals who have no common sense, and portrays Kuwait as a backward sex-crazed society. This is not so.

"Avoid the use of the term why? In your stay here in Kuwait, you will experience a lot of things that you could never imagine to experience."

Culture shock is a normal part of any expatriate's life, this is a given. Certainly, coming to Kuwait from a western society is a slightly more jarring experience than if the expat were to come from a neighboring Arab country. But the "use of the term why" is a necessary part of every society on the planet. All of us MUST question things in order to make our society a better and more comfortable place to live in, in all aspects of life. This must apply to expatriates as well, as they are an integral part of the society in Kuwait. While they may not have the power to vote, the alternative should not be "if you don't like it then get out". This is not a healthy attitude to have, and certainly not the government's stance.

"Avoid showing dissatisfaction about the country's work laws -- the country's regulations such as requirements of visa entry, or obtaining driving license, the corruption, the abuse of housemaids and etc. It implies that you do not appreciate how lucky you are for the gift of being in Kuwait and that you deserve to be deported or jailed for being ungrateful. "

Showing dissatisfaction to who?
It is true that there are certain procedures in Kuwait are difficult, such as visa requirements and driving licenses. This is also true of almost all Arab countries, and there is nothing we can do about it. Of course we will show dissatisfaction, it is only human nature. But to imply that we live in a country where we will be deported or jailed for being "ungrateful" is a joke, and most of all an insult to the Kuwaiti constitution and people. You imply that there are secret police lurking around street corners looking for people who show signs of "dissatisfaction" and "ungratefulness". We are not in Nazi Germany, nor in Communist Russia. Your claims are absurd!

"Avoid making complaints against your superiors. Your residency in Kuwait will be a threat if you complain or if you make fake cases such as a false absence report."

While this may have been true in certain instances, it is most definitely a generalization, and does not happen often.

"Avoid fighting with a Kuwaiti. He simply wouldn't hesitate to use any wasta to make you the wrong person of the dispute and make you take the blame. You might end up begging to him just to let you go!!!!"

"Avoid trusting any unbelievable Kuwaiti promises with quick wealth and success. Some Kuwaitis may use your daydreams as a tool to make some money by doing illicit activities. You would be the criminal, while he will be set free."

This point, i believe, is a grave insult to the Kuwaiti people. Again, it may be true in some instances, but it is certainly NOT what happens the majority of the time. It seems the recurring theme in your article is that Kuwaiti people are backward monsters whose only agenda is deporting expats and getting them into trouble! That is a disgraceful implication, and one that is not at all true.

"Avoid saying yes all the time especially when you do not want to. Although it shows the objectivity in ones personality, it doesn't make sense for someone to like everything he sees or hears with no reaction, especially in Kuwait. Always saying yes can lead to lots of problems such as sexual harassment or abuse or rape, this can even can encourage others to think you are weak and easy. This can cause real troubles for anyone specifically for women."

Words fail me when responding to this point. I do not see any meaning whatsoever in what you have written. Avoid saying "yes" all the time?
Human beings have opinions, likes and dislikes. I am pretty sure that no one wants to be raped. But i fail to see how saying "yes" all the time, unless you are some kind of machine, will lead you to be raped? The expatriate community are not idiots, Muna, and you cannot presume under ANY circumstances that they are. Your claims are unbelievably demeaning.

"Avoid starting friendly conversations with taxi drivers. This would give him the impression that you want him to have sex with you.."

"Avoid accepting gifts or laughing over sexual jokes with your boss unless it is really okay with you and this is what you want.."

"Avoid trying to look sexy by showing the sexiest parts of your body. You may think that you have a sexy body and want the world to see that because it is okay for you, but do not do that here. Lots of men here would think of you as a prostitute.."

While i understand the underlying message in your article, which is to give tips to expatriates so that they can avoid trouble, i think you have failed miserably. Again, i will tell you that you have painted expats as clueless, idiotic people with no common sense, the Kuwaiti people as sex-crazed monsters, and the country as some kind of backwards, lawless, dangerous, miserable place.
If I was a western expat new to Kuwait, having read your article, i would pack my bags and leave as it would seem that i would not be able to do anything without fear of being deported, jailed, raped or abused somehow.

I do not blame you for this article, but i blame the editorial staff for not guiding you properly while writing it. The result is that your article is the butt of many, many jokes across blogs in the country. And people are insulted.

I hope you acknowledge my comments as constructive criticism - i do appreciate your efforts in guiding the expatriate community in Kuwait, as guidance is indeed required, especially for the new ones. But your article was totally over the top, misguided, ripe for misinterpretation, and insulting to ALL members of society.

Beyond Stupidity.


Below is an article from the Kuwait Times published on June 2nd. Words have failed me. Please read for yourself:

What not to do in Kuwait

Published Date: June 02, 2007

http://www.kuwaittimes.net/read_news.php?newsid=MTY0MTg5MDk2MA==


There are several things that every one must avoid to do while he/she lives in Kuwait. This rule is important to all expatriates, especially the ones who don't enjoy the blessing of having a 'wasta'. The aim of this rule is to spend your time here without thinking and feeling sorry for yourself of not to get sent to jail for being a fool. Most expatriates want to stay away from trouble but due to being ignorant about a few basic facts, it leads them to various unexpected conditions which make their period in Kuwait very miserable. Here are the things you must avoid:

Avoid the use of the term why? In your stay here in Kuwait, you will experience a lot of things that you could never imagine to experience. Thus, you start to think over and over again why? why not or why me and why is trouble always coming to you from all directions.

Avoid showing dissatisfaction about the country's work laws -- the country's regulations such as requirements of visa entry, or obtaining driving license, the corruption, the abuse of housemaids and etc. It implies that you do not appreciate how lucky you are for the gift of being in Kuwait and that you deserve to be deported or jailed for being ungrateful.

Avoid making complaints against your superiors. Your residency in Kuwait will be a threat if you complain or if you make fake cases such as a false absence report.

Avoid fighting with a Kuwaiti. He simply wouldn't hesitate to use any wasta to make you the wrong person of the dispute and make you take the blame. You might end up begging to him just to let you go!!!!

Avoid trusting any unbelievable Kuwaiti promises with quick wealth and success. Some Kuwaitis may use your daydreams as a tool to make some money by doing illicit activities. You would be the criminal, while he will be set free.

Avoid saying yes all the time especially when you do not want to. Although it shows the objectivity in ones personality, it doesn't make sense for someone to like everything he sees or hears with no reaction, especially in Kuwait. Always saying yes can lead to lots of problems such as sexual harassment or abuse or rape, this can even can encourage others to think you are weak and easy. This can cause real troubles for anyone specifically for women.

Avoid starting friendly conversations with taxi drivers. This would give him the impression that you want him to have sex with you and of course, he would ask you if you are married and if your husband is with you. Never admit to be single and alone or even to confess that you are a runaway maid or employee. Many of them would not hesitate to rape you and leave you empty handed and get you pregnant.

Avoid accepting gifts or laughing over sexual jokes with your boss unless it is really okay with you and this is what you want.If you came from an environment where you are very open with the opposite gender, then you might think that such jokes are okay but here, it is not. This would give men a hint that you are ready to have sex with him and you could find yourself a rape victim. Besides, accepting someone's gifts means approval.

Avoid trying to look sexy by showing the sexiest parts of your body. You may think that you have a sexy body and want the world to see that because it is okay for you, but do not do that here. Lots of men here would think of you as a prostitute and may try to reach or touch you by any means. You may not mean it but this would be hard to convince them because they came from a different culture. The culture here associates clothes with manners. The more you cover yourself, the more respected you will be.

This list can go on and can be virtually endless, but the main fact is that caution is essential because what might be very normal in your country would simply not be normal here. Think of all the options and do the opposite. This may ensure a longer stay in Kuwait with less headaches.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Watermelon Showdown..


Fight over rotten watermelon: Several Egyptians from Upper Egypt were involved in a fight in Khaitan at a makeshift fruits and vegetable market, reports Al-Rai daily. It has been reported one of the customers bought a water melon and when the seller opened it the buyer discovered it was not ripe and refused to pay for it. Two groups of Egyptians pelted water melons and tomatoes at each other until some persons tried to solve the problem and both sides parted amicably. According to the daily several people called the police but no police vehicles were seen in the area.

Youth molests Kuwaiti girl: A Kuwaiti man recently seized an unidentified Egyptian youth and handed him over to police for allegedly attempting to molest a Kuwaiti girl in a public place, reports Al-Watan daily. It has been reported the girl screamed for help soon after she got down from her car in Hawalli when the man approached her with ‘bad intentions’. The daily did not give more details.

If he "attempted" to molest her, why does the headline presume he already has??

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Cinescape have no shame..


This edition of Idiots in Kuwait is dedicated to our dear friends over at KNCC (Kuwait National Cinema Company) for their admirable efforts in imitating the English language.. Below are the synopsis for Egyptian and Indian films in the "Now Showing" section of their website...

Fe Shaqah Masr Aljadeda

Music teacher (Najwa) lives in Elmania. She takes the opportunity while she is in Cairo in a field trip with students to search for her teacher (Tahani), who taught her music, and she thinks that she lives in a flat in town called New Egypt. Najwa’s trip becomes a nightmare, and her teacher flat that she found is different from what she expected. Can Najwa find Tahani? or she will find something else?

Life in a .... Metro -Hindi

Rahul works as a call centre executive and he silently loves his colleague Neha, because her boss, Ranjeet, loves her. Ranjeet is married to Shikha. They had decided that she should stay back at home and take care of the house and the kid. Shikha is attracted to Akash, theatre artist, whose wife divorces him. Akash and Shikhas love blossoms. Amol is a 70-year-old man who returns to India after 40 years to spend the last few years of his life with his first love, Vaijanti. The lady lives in an old age home and is Shikhas aunt. What will happen to these crossed lives?

Kya Love Story Hai -Hindi

is the story of a carefree and wayward youth, Arjun (Tusshar Kapoor), who experiences love-at-first-sight with Kaajal (Ayesha Takia). It isnt a typical meet-cute situation - he follows her for some time before breaking the ice.

What the hell is a meet-cute situation?

Ta Ra Rum Pum -Hindi

Rajveer is a pit-crew worker in a racing team with a passion for driving whom a team manager, Harry, discovers. The same day he accidentally meets a Radhika, who he falls for instantly. A few months later, both happily married. He becomes number 1 race driver and he has a boy amd a girl. But as a result of a bad-racing accident, Rajveer is hospitalized for a few months. When he tries to make a comeback, he realizes that he has been mentally scarred by the accident. The family struggles to survive a life that they are not used to, but an incident forces Rajveer to reclaim the life that was taken away from him.