The Weekly Ten

Dear Readers,

Seeing as my ego has been stroked over 930 times since I've started this blog (even though my F5 button is probably responsible for at least 200 "strokes" - pun intended), I've decided to start a weekly top 10 list entitled, you guessed it, "The Weekly Ten". Asides from the obvious, the purpose of these lists will be to, um, I don't know. I guess they have no purpose.

Anyway, here's numero uno:

Top 10 Things to do on a weekend in Kuwait

10 – Watch TV

Mankind's favorite pastime, the television has provided us with hours and hours of mind-numbing entertainment.

9 – "Gizzing".

Kuwait's favorite pastime, "Gizzing" involves driving up and down Gulf Road with your windows down, playing the latest in cab driver music/rap at full volume. Harassment of girls in neighboring vehicles optional.

8 – Watch a DVD.

While this is technically the same as watching TV, it still involves the exciting prospect of visiting one of the countless pirated DVD stores the country has to offer. Also involves the prospect of returning the DVDs to the countless pirated DVD stores the country has to offer, because the disc won't work/there are no subtitles/it is not the film you wanted/you keep seeing silhouettes of people walking across the screen and you wonder if it is part of the storyline.

7 – Go out to eat.

It's fair to say that restaurants are one of the better aspects of life in Kuwait. You can find culinary delights from all over the world. I should hope so.

6 – Stay in to eat.

Get this: we don't only have really good food here. The best part is, you can eat it all in the comfort of your own home, without moving a muscle! Well, you might have to move 3 or 4 while you're dialing the home delivery number. But rest assured, these are calories you can reimburse momentarily.

5 – Go Shopping.

Souk Sharq, Marina Mall, The Avenues, and Al Kout Mall are all great destinations for some quality shopping.

4 – Walk around Malls without actually doing ANY shopping.

Souk Sharq, Marina Mall, The Avenues, and Al Kout Mall are all great destinations for some quality walking around without any purpose. Before you go, you might want to pay a visit to your barber/hairdresser and instruct them to give you the worst possible hair style. Apply obscene amounts of make-up (if you are female). Holding hands with members of the same sex/harassing girls optional.

3 – Poke people on Facebook.

..and hope against all hope that "Angel Kuwait" really does look exactly like Cameron Diaz on the red carpet of the 2003 Academy Awards. And that she pokes you back.

2 – Go Bowling.

The bowling alleys in Kuwait provide some quality entertainment. If you go on a regular basis, you might actually get pretty good. Then you might end up wearing one of those wrist guard things. And then wonder how your life ended up this way.

1 – Travel.

Enough said.

Don't they deserve to die?

I don't know if it's small penis syndrome, a lack of things to do, or sexual frustration, but what is it that makes these guys want to drive like total morons on the road?

I don't mean to sound like a bore, but its true - they endanger their own lives and the lives of other drivers, all under the auspices of the police. And they go and make videos and post their idiocy on YouTube!

I mean, you get moron drivers all around the world. And I've driven in the UK, Jordan, and other places. But I haven't seen anything even close to the insanity I see here.

What is wrong with this country?

"Enjoying" the stuff

Indian steals telephone line: Police have arrested an Indian man for stealing a telephone line of a Kuwaiti subscriber and connecting it to a sophisticated device to make international calls, reports Al-Watan daily.
The suspect was arrested in the vicinity of a residential complex housing divorced women and widows in a suburb of Sabah Al-Salem.

They have complexes exclusively for divorced women and widows??
Asian female escapes rape: Police have arrested two Asians for attempting to break into an apartment of a female compatriot neighbor with the intention to rape her, reports Arrouiah daily.
When the woman felt the men were trying to creep into her apartment she called the Operations Department of the Ministry of Interior. The department dispatched a police patrol and caught the men.
At the time of the arrest the men were high on alcohol. During interrogation they told police about the plan to rape the woman.

You don't get "high" on Alcohol. You become a stumbling, mumbling, clumsy bastard. High people are mellow.. and probably can't even find their dicks let alone think about raping someone. And besides, what kind of morons would tell the police that they planned to rape someone?

And finally...

Kuwaitis held red handed taking drugs near a restaurant at the airport : Airport securitymen arrested two citizens who were caught red-handed taking drugs near a restaurant at the airport.
The securitymen reportedly became suspicious of their movements and began to observe them from a distance and rushed to get hold of them as soon they began to 'enjoy' the stuff.

So, if they hadn't "enjoyed" the stuff, would they have been caught? Are drugs only illegal in Kuwait ONLY if you "enjoy" them? I want to pull my hair out.

I couldn't resist.

Our buddies at Cinescape have really outdone themselves this time. Check out the latest synopsis from their "Coming soon" section...

Al Shabah (Arabic) The movie’s story revolves around a young man, who suffers from amnesia, works hard to know the real him and to know more details about his past life, but he faces many problems which leads to cause him in homicide and the police is looking for him. Now, he tries to find the real killer with the help of his friend, but he comes to know there are many people support the real killer and protect him, and in the other hand there are people against the real killer. In all of this, this young man falls in love with a young lady and she stands by him till he proof he is innocent.

Roudram (Malayalam) Narendran is a daring Police Officer, who has always been keen on doing his duty, but is forced to make compromises due to all kinds of pressures. The enthusiasm that he had when he donned Khakhi for the first time gradually gets eroded and he is often reminded that as a Police Officer, there were a lot of limitations. Narendran is put in charge of a murder case. The usual pressures are there, but somehow he finds it in him to work against these pressures and do his duty the way he thinks is right.

I am your husband!

Dear Peeps..

I am back after a well-deserved leave of absence during the awful excuse for a celebration (often referred to as National & Liberation Day)..

In any case, I checked the Arab Times website the minute I arrived and was pleased to find that this blog is far from ever becoming redundant.. and here is why:

Expat given electric shock: Two thieves gave an electric shock to an Arab expatriate and escaped with his wallet and car in Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh area.
Reportedly, the victim was taken by surprise when unidentified men approached him and asked him to hand over his car and wallet. When the man refused, the thieves allegedly gave him an electric shock using an electric device and escaped with the car and the victim’s wallet.
The man, after coming to his senses, filed a complaint at a police station and said he had KD 150 in his wallet.

An Arab man forced to sign promissory note: Kuwait : An Arab man has filed a complaint with the South Jahra Police Station accusing his sponsor of forcing him to sign on a blank promissory note after threatening to ‘blow’ his head with a revolver, reports Al-Rai daily.
The sponsor will be summoned for interrogation.
"Blow" his head with a revolver. I'm not sure the guy understood exactly what he was in for..

Police arrest 2 transvestites: Kuwait : Police have arrested two transvestites and four unidentified young men. They were caught inside a tent in Bneider, reports Al-Wasat daily.
The daily said the Operations Department of the Ministry of Interior acting on information from some campers in the area dispatched police to the area and arrested the suspects.
It has been reported when a police party raided the tent the suspects were giggling and having fun.
They have been referred to the concerned authorities.

And Finally...

I am your husband! Kuwait : Police are looking for an unidentified person for molesting a Kuwaiti woman inside a camp in Mina Abdullah, reports Al-Anba daily.
A police source said the woman was sleeping inside a tent and she screamed for help when she found a stranger sleeping next to her.
When the woman screamed for help the man reportedly tried to calm her down by saying he was her husband.
The intruder escaped on foot before help arrived. However, according to a police source the intruder is a friend of the woman's husband.

God help us all.

The titles get creative!

Looks like the Arab Times staff are adding some "attitude" to their reports.. but as the titles below suggest, they're still dumbasses.

‘I don’t need no husband’ - Bedoun Woman runs away from house
Kuwait : Police have ‘arrested’ a Bedoun woman who was reported missing by her husband one month ago, reports Al-Rai daily. The woman who was found near the Palace of Justice told police she preferred to run away from the house because her husband pushed her into committing immoral acts.
She added her husband made her sign a promissory note for KD 10,000 before she escaped.

Was this woman black? And does she live in South Central LA? Ah don't need no husband! lol

You cannot hide it!: General Drug Control Department securitymen on Tuesday foiled the attempt of two Syrians to smuggle 10,000 ‘Coptagon’ pills into the country...

What a fucking stupid title for a report. "You cannot hide it!". Fools.

Rose … and a thank you
Kuwait : Police are looking for four unidentified persons for stealing KD 1,000 from a GCC man. The incident took place when the victim invited the men to visit his stable in Ahmadi, reports Alam Al-Yawm daily. In his complaint to the police the victim said the suspects without his knowledge broke the side glass of his vehicle and stole the money and a credit card. He added the thieves left behind a rose and a thank you note for his hospitality.

Words fail me.

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=12592&ccid=22

"Hostrical" locations..

Is "Lighted" even a word?

The Arab Times' "Classifieds" Section:

Lighted Party Fountain | Beverage & Drink Centerpiece Ideal for birthday parties, weddings, and other special events, this fountain holds up to 1 gallon of any favorite beverage and features a three-tier cascading tower. The unit pumps liquid from the lighted bottom bowl up to the top. The beverage then cascades back down in a waterfall effect from one tier to the next through holes around the outside of the bowls. This multi-tier fountain is so impressive you might have to remind your guests to stick their cup in to fill it—or they’ll just stand there hypnotized by the sight and sound of liquid cascading like a waterfall from one tier to the next. Pour up to 1 gal. of punch or other beverage into the main reservoir and watch as the liquid is pumped to the top then tumbles from tier to tier. Made of ornately molded clear plastic,. Perfect for parties and family get-togethers, the fountain comes with eight 8-oz. cups. Let the good times flow. PRICE / 22KD with delivery !

Bear in mind that you might have to "remind your guests to stick their cup in to fill it, because they'll be standing there hypnotized" at the plastic piece of crap in front of them.

And, I've never seen a longer sentence than the one below:

Playschool & Babysitting A well known Play School in Hawally, known for its Special Care and Love Teaching by Play-Way method Motherly attention and care We assure your child will be the shining star of tomorrow at Tiny Tots Nursery & Playgroup Baby sitting is also available with experienced lady. pls contact us on 7123283 or email us back

What the fuck is "Love teaching by play-way method"?

UMRAH SERVISING
ALL KINDS OF TRANSPORTAION ALL CATEGORIES OF HOTELS Makkah, Madinah, jeddah all hostrical islamic locations FOR GROUPS AND INDIVIDUALS

A good contact to have should you ever need to visit any "hostrical" islamic locations.

want, business partners in UMRAH ANY ONE WISH TO COOPERATE IN UMRAH PERFORMINC WORLD WIDE ARE MOST WELCOM, THROUGH GREAT AND CHEAP PACKAGES. INCLUDING VERY GOOD SERVICING MOH441@HOTMAIL.COM

Includes very good "Servicing"? What does that mean? Ummm...


http://www.arabtimesonline.com/client/classifiedsinnerpage.asp?offset=0&clid=10